The All Star Game made this week a short one, and it either exposed a team for its weaknesses, graced teams with luck, or demonstrated team strengths. The power rankings will impose double standards quite freely.
1. Reggie ‘Reg’ Dunlop (previous ranking: 1) – Second loss in a row suggests that the cracks in this once impenetrable dam may be getting bigger, then again, he isn’t likely to come up against a team who has a career week like Anzes Puck Bunny did this week. RRD has a chance to right the ship against a struggling GM Anze Backup this week.
2. Ottawa HC (5) – Going into week 6, OHC was sitting in last place in the league standings. 10 weeks and 7 wins later, this team well positioned for the playoffs. This upcoming week will show the mettle of this team, as they face the hottest team in the league, the BIZZAROHAWKS.
3. WONDERS ON ICE (2) – When this team wins, it wins big. When it loses, it is only barely. Losing 7 of its last 9 weeks, somehow this team still remains in 2nd place in the standings. This week exposed the lack of depth in WOI netminders, and manager Zach Gray may be looking for a trade to find someone more reliable than Peter Budaj.
4. Mystery Eskimos (7) – A hot week in net carried this team, which does not have a winning record season to date in any defensive categories other than shutouts. Manager Caleb Widen made a handful of roster changes this week in an effort to spark some offense. He faces a hilariously lucky Anzes Puck Bunny this week; no way to predict the final outcome, though smart money should be on the Eskimos.
5. The BIZARROHAWKS (8) – With only 1 loss in the last 8 weeks and a resurgence in both offense and goaltending, this team is the hottest team in fantasy hockey. A deft move to trade goalie Steve Mason while he was hot looks like it may have been a great move by manager Scott Freeland, and picking up newcomer Brian Elliot may only further demonstrate the advantages of living in the eastern time zone (the rest are negatives, he lives in a fucking ghetto). A big week this week by the BH will put them into a playoff spot.
6. Western WA Caps (6) – A very, very fortunate week as this team went up against a struggling GM Anze Backup which let the Caps get away with mediocre goaltending. Next week will be almost comical as the team overloaded with Washington Capitals faces off against the team overloaded with Detroit Redwings.
7. GM Anze Backup (3) – Was able to settle for a disappointing tie this week due to Roberto Luongo struggling mightily. This team needs to turn it on the next couple of weeks to shore up a playoff spot and their performance will be contingent on Luongo finding his groove.
8. RoBERTo LuFONGo (4) – If total number of years age of a team was a category, this team would win hands down. The only thing more apparent than the age of this team is the poor quality of it’s goalies. Manager Bert Fong has to be willing to propose trades that don’t completely suck for the counterparty if he wants to add the skill he needs in net to make the playoffs.
9. Not Poodle!!! (9) – It would be time better spent analyzing where this team’s name came from (Slap Shot) as opposed to it’s lack of depth….next.
10. Anzes Puck Bunny (sucks) – GM Jesse Cook spent the All Star break in Las Vegas, where he declared that “Floyd Mayweather is (his) new best friend.” While most would assume this is the boxer, an investigation revealed that Floyd Mayweather is the stage name of Paymon Torabian at the Prancing Pony, a men only cabaret. As for his team, it looks as good as Patrick Kane’s shootout attempts in the skills competition (for those who missed the sarcasm or the shootout, I am saying they are brutal).
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