As we head into the home stretch of the season, a particular report from Media Day in Tampa Bay during this week’s Super Bowl XLIII festivities showed the uphill battle hockey still faces in the United States:
With that, lets take a look at this week’s power rankings.
1. Reggie ‘Reg’ Dunlop (previous rank: 1) – This team was lucky to play a very weak opponent this week, giving the players a chance to build some confidence, stopping the two-week losing streak. Facing the dangerous Andre Poodle Lussier this week, who has two hot goalies and 3 Detroit Red Wings with 4 starts. Needs a big win or else other teams will begin to lose their fear of going up against RRD.
2. Ottawa HC (2) – After a slow start to the week, came storming from behind to kick the living shit out of the Bizzarohawks, who up until this point had been on an amazing tear. GM Court Watson actually felt a little bad, because “win or lose, (Bizzarohawks) are based out of Cleveland, and I wouldn’t even wish that on my worst enemy.” Led by Sidney Crosby and Tim Connolly’s return from injury, and Jonathan Toews possible turn around midseason, this team is starting to look like the team to beat.
3. RoBERTo LuFONGo (8) – Solid performance this week by RoBERTo, but the inconsistency in net will keep this team from being a serious contender. Look for manager Bert Fong to fuck this team up royally in an attempt to add some depth in the back end.
4. Western WA Caps (6) – It has not gone unnoticed that this team is falling down the league standings at about the same pace that Jessica Simpson is putting on the lbs. Manager Cole Ballard is desperately hoping for a quick turnaround…for both his team and Tony Romo’s future fat ex-girlfriend.
5. Mystery Eskimos (4) – Quiet, under the radar and putting up solid numbers every week. If this team can make it into the playoffs it shouldn’t be overlooked as a darkhorse.
6. WONDERS ON ICE (3) – Western WA Caps GM Cole Ballard’s prediction that this team would miss the playoffs is starting to look eerily Nostradamus like, as this team continues its skid. Manager Zach Gray can’t explain the poor play, and is hoping for a turnaround this week against Ottawa HC. It will be interesting to see if the 3 former OHC starters now on WOI step up their play after OHC GM Court Watson described their play as “sucky.”
7. Bizzarohawks (5) – A crushing blow this week that may have put an end to this teams Cinderella run for the playoff spot. GM Scott Freeland tried to justify the loss saying “I forgot to change my roster after the all-star week, oops. Advantage, Watson.” Ottawa HC GM Court Watson simply laughed, retorting “the guys on (his) bench suck, would have made no difference.” All indications are that Court is right.
8. Andre Poodle Lussier (8) – “Go Fuck Yourself Fatty” – Court Watson, Ottawa HC GM
9. Prancing Pony (10) – Finally out of the cellar, as this team is starting to make a case for the 6th and final playoff spot. RRD manager Mike Gaunt is chomping at the bit at the prospect of slapping this team in the face with his man-bits in the playoffs and laughing all the way to the finals. This week is a big matchup and may ultimately decide the last playoff spot. Manager Jesse Cook was spotted in the Mt. Baker area this week; it is the 6th time he has been confused as Bigfoot in his young adult life (most times the confusion is due to how ugly he is).
10. GM Anze Backup (7) – This team is in dire need of a spark. Manager Steve McIntye may soon be forced to get over his unhealthy man-crush and deal his prized stallion, netminder Roberto Luongo, in the hopes of picking up pretty much anyone to replace any position on this team. Something needs to happen soon, or this team is hitting the links come mid-March.
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