And the Winners Are (And Draft Date, and House Cleaning, the Departed, and Newbie Intros and Whatever)

The votes are in and there were clear winners, losers, and sometimes both at the same time. Let's go through the award winners.

Jack Adams - Luke Mackinnon. Impressive first year, as this rookie GM turned a playoff team into, well, a playoff team. And did it by taking advantage of the dumbest Asian I have ever met. And a Crossfitter (which means even dumber than the dumb Asian). So the rest of us suck. So, this actually got kind of depressing. Good job, I guess.

Eugene Adams - Bert Fong. No surprise (see above). Also, this is a repeat win for the original Eugene Adams award winner, and the only GM to win this twice. Hats off, we are all dumber for having played in a league with you.

Andy Kordyban - Luke Mackinnon. Great win here as he took the award Jesse Cook generally owns (three of last four go to him). Luke did bring great energy, spastic, incoherent ramblings, laughed harder at his own jokes than anyone else, and has a head that kind of resembles a penis. Pretty sure this isn't the last we have seen of Luke in the running for this coveted award. By the way, if you haven't met Andy, but you are from the Lower Mainland, watch this video, and I assure you by the end you will be saying "oh shit, that guy..."

If you made it to the one minute mark, stick tap to you sir.

Now onto the draft.  If you haven't already seen the update on the league page, the draft is scheduled for 8:30 PST on September 30. Not everyone wanted to make it as this time, but it was the only time everyone COULD make it. Don't like it? Don't care. Rosters will be updated this week for off season trades (it takes time, I have a real job, and a wife, and a kid (all dumb decisions)). YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR ROSTER WHEN IT IS ALL SAID AND DONE, NOT ME. I DON'T CARE IF YOU MARRIED A TEACHER AND BECAME A LIBERAL AND THEREFORE BELIEVE NOTHING IS YOUR FAULT. STEVE.

Now some sad news; as some of you may know, we have had two GMs leave our league this offseason. 1.5 of them were fairly actively engaged and added value to the league banter. The other 0.5 was Fatty; go fuck yourself Fatty. David Dugan is leaving us, and I for one can say he will be missed. His value being he overvalued someone other than the Canucks and had more knowledge of the Eastern Conference than most, and anyone who is a fan of the League and It Is Always Sunny in Philadelphia is ok in my books. I give you his parting message:

"Dearest Joe,

It it with great sadness that I submit my resignation as General Manager of the Halifax Highlanders. It was not an easy decision, as I have tried for years to build a winning team. The surprise departure of Ninja last year (how appropriate) and being the only East Coast team made me realize that a franchise relocation would be best for everyone. I'm sure that the new GM will be less of a Ted and more of a Ruxin. Thank you for all your hard work over the past years. I will still be checking in on the blog and if the new guys wins with my team, I want 20%. To all my fellow GM's, Go Puck Yourself, especially you Jesse, that playoff loss will haunt me for years. 

Sincerely, That guy most of you never met.

Dave"

'sniff'.  A little dusty in here.

Luckily, it appears we have added two absolute dip shits to our league, so that should be fun. And honestly, fresh blood reinvigorates most things, just ask Syrian rebels. Tonight I proudly introduce our two new GMs.

Ryan Zupan

Second  greatest photo of the African continent ever

Taking over Fatty's team and now the Connor McSaviors, this picture pretty much says it all in terms of value he will bring. And that isn't even the reason I am excited he is joining our league. No, the reason I am excited is that he is a die hard Oiler fan. Die hards make bad fantasy hockey decisions, which means everyone else benefits. And supporting a team where talent goes to die? Absolute gold mine Jerry. But of course, he will tell you this year is going to be different, Connor McDavid is the real deal, things will turn around, blah blah blah blah, Devan Dubynk. Welcome to the big show, Mr. Zupan. By the way, after seeing that picture, I went to youtube to watch a video. Can you guess which one? I know at least 50% of you knew this was coming:

If you didn't get through this entire video, just quit the league now.

Todd Toothill

Taking over for Dugan, who had one of the best team names in the league and replacing it with Hatrick Sawyze, just awful insulting tradition like that. However, Todd is a personable, well dressed, well groomed and overall polished young man. He will be a fine addition to the league and we should all encourage him to do his best. I say all this, because Todd is mentally slow, as you will come to realize over time. Anyone who thinks Eli is better than Peyton has to be, amiright? I once saw him at a wedding get so befuddled giving a speech he just kept saying "aka, aka, aka" while his tiny brain worked in overtime. I just wanted to yell "Run Forrest!" and encourage him on, but he persevered. It was inspiring. Welcome to the league Todd, you are special and we are all supporting you.

In all seriousness, $50 says despite being semi-retarded he still easily beats Bert this year.

Let the games begin.

JM