Power Rankings: Week 13

Does anybody really care about the NHL this week? As We still suck manager Cole Ballard aptly put it, the World Junior Semifinal between Canada and Russia was “probably the best game I have ever seen.” Lots of young talent in that tournament that will ultimately decide these power rankings in the not too far off future, and this blogger cannot wait for the Gold Medal game Monday night.

1. Reggie ‘Reg’ Dunlop – Somebody beat this team…please. Those good ol’ boys from Mystery, AK will have to step up this week.

2. WONDERS ON ICE – A potential championship preview this week between RRD and WOI left more questions than answers with the result ending in a virtual stalemate. Looking weak in net, WOI made a deft move trading for Marc Andre Fleury to prevent his team’s back end from being as loose as Jesse Cook’s after a night with Paymon.

3. The Plumbers – A bit of a hiccup this week, playing against the volatile Eeeeehhhhhh. His team still put up very strong numbers and is poised for the upcoming clash against the now very hot Anzoolander Killer.

4. We still suck – Snuck out a win this week, and a couple of trades and pickups leave the rest of the league interested to see what this team will do in the next few weeks. The mastermind behind a three team trade that saw a total of 7 players trade hands, one can only ponder if manager Cole Ballard is a genius, insane, or both.

5. Mystery Eskimos – Manager Caleb Widen is quietly working behind the scene to rebuild this team, is he doing enough to make it a contender for the championship?

6. Eeeeehhhhhh – With too many players on one team being relied upon, this team can be one the best teams in the league one week and one of the worst the next week. If GM Matt Welsh gets the right timing, he could walk away with it all.

7. Anzoolander Killer – Three wins in a row, buoyed by the unreal goaltending from both Steve Mason and Mike Smith. He absolutely shit-kicked Anzoolander for the second time this season in the past week, which led GM Scott Freeland to declare, “My best is better than (his) best"!”

8. RoBERTo LuFONGo – This team didn’t show much this week, but luckily didn’t need to. When you play the team with the worst +/- in fantasy history and the goalies who let in all those goals, you should win handily. RoBERTo won, but just barely.

9. Ottawa HC – This team made some major moves this week, picking up Ilya Kovalchuk, Ray Whitney and Dion Phaneuf. That won’t be enough though. Unless GM Court Watson’s top two draft picks significantly pick it up, he might as well just release his entire team to free agency and settle for last.

10. Anzoolander – When you lose badly to last, you are usually last, and this team is last. Tim Thomas is a backup, Jean-Sebastien Giguere is on his way to being a backup, and GM Jesse Cook dealt away young talented multi-position forward Kris Versteeg for some old, oft-injured geyser. On top of that, he benched his favorite player, Anze Kopitar, after getting into a heated locker room argument over who was uglier and who Paymon loved more. Fortunately this team has a shot at holding on this week against Ottawa HC, but true playoff contenders this season have shown that this team is run worse that the Blackhawks under Bill Wirtz. As Steve McIntyre, Manager of the Plumbers noted in this blog’s last column, “As a GM, Jesse Cook does not have a clue.” He also licks Paymon’s ass with his tongue.