Holy Crap, A Monstrous Controversial Win

The first week of the playoffs just came and went, and just like that KA-Booooom, the 6th seed, Andre Poodle Lussier has upset HANK’S AUTOSHOP to advance to the second round of the playoffs.

The match ended in a tie, but a review of the the Yahoo! Fantasy Sports playoffs tiebreaker shows that the first tiebreaker is total goals, and the second tie breaker is total assists.  Milan Michalek’s game winning goal in San Jose tonight is the most important goal of the season for APL, giving him a tie in total goals, total game winning goals, and APL advanced by having more assists.

So what does this do the playoff picture?  Instead of Reggie ‘Reg’ Dunlop playing HANK’S AUTOSHOP and Ottawa HC playing Best Goalies Ever, we may see Ottawa HC playing Andre Poodle Lussier and Reggie ‘Reg’ going against the very hot Best Goalies Ever.  That would all make logical sense, but alas, Ottawa HC will end up playing the higher seed in Best Goalies Ever.  How does that work?  I have no idea.

In other news, the consolation bracket moves to round 2 as well.  The good news is, all the losers finally got through one week with a win, since they all had byes.  Nice job.

Another GM Realizes the Pen Is Mightier Than the Sword

I am starting to like this whole GM’s submitting guest columns; it adds a new dimension.  This last submission comes from Ottawa HC GM Court Watson, and appears to be addressed to nobody in particular.

Dear Mr. Cook,

I was quiet while you posted a note in the league message boards about how bad I am at fantasy hockey.

I was quiet when you left smack messages in our first matchup and you beat me soundly.

I was quiet when you sat on my couch and laughed at my fantasy hockey management style.

Now, I am the 1 seed in the playoffs and you didn’t even make them, and I am quiet no longer.

YOU FUCKING SUCK COOK!

Regards,

Court

Two words…price and less

Holy Crap, This Is Exciting

No words, just the standings:

Ottawa HC	471
HANK'S AUTOSHOP	436
Reggie 'Reg' Dunlop	432
Fucking embarrasing	412
RoBERTo LuFONGo	405
Guess who's golfing?	405
Andre Poodle Lussier	404
GM Anze Backup	403
Mystery Eskimos	398
Bizzarohawks	374

Another Podcast, This One is Really Bad

Once again we are messing with the audio/digital world.  Another podcast, this one I am beyond drunk.  Lets see if any of these links work.  Stream it by clicking here, you know the iTunes link, and of course, you can download it below

Wait For It….

We are so close to the end for some…

Ottawa HC	470
Reggie 'Reg' Dunlop	435
HANK'S AUTOSHOP	433
RoBERTo LuFONGo	411
Andre Poodle Lussier	407
Guess who's golfing?	406
Fucking embarrasing	406
GM Anze Backup	403
Mystery Eskimos	395
Bizzarohawks	374

 

Yup, Guess who’s golfing gets the last spot based on wins…I think that is a tie breaker…so many teams need a big week tomorrow.  Podcast on all of this coming very, very soon.

A Little More….

If I could make a prediction now, and since it is my blog and I control what goes on it I can, I would say that the playoff picture below is almost perfect, save Guess who’s golfing?  replacing either Fucking embarrasing (no, GM Cole Ballard does not know how to spell) or RoBERTo LuFONGo as the final playoff spot; their match is almost dead even and one team will eventually pull away.  This with Guess who’s golfing? gaining a few more points will eliminate the loser of that matchup from the playoffs.  With 3 days left, here is the playoff picture:

Ottawa HC	470
Reggie 'Reg' Dunlop	436
HANK'S AUTOSHOP	432
Fucking embarrasing	409
Andre Poodle Lussier	408
RoBERTo LuFONGo	408
Guess who's golfing?	406
GM Anze Backup	403
Mystery Eskimos	394
Bizzarohawks	374

Getting closer….

Just 4 more days left of play, and it just keeps getting closer.  This is exciting.  Disappointing play last night by Luongo kept GM Anze Backup from jumping over Guess who’s golfing? for the 6th and final playoff spot.  Guess who’s golfing? finally got on the board last night and is hoping that may spark something, anything, for their team.

Ottawa HC	475
Reggie 'Reg' Dunlop	439
HANK'S AUTOSHOP	433
RoBERTo LuFONGo	419
Andre Poodle Lussier	407
Guess who's golfing?	401
GM Anze Backup	400
Fucking embarrassing	398
Mystery Eskimos	391
Bizzarohawks	377

 

Bizzarohawks still have no chance.

An Opinion From The Cellar

We have a special treat today, Scott Freeland, GM for the Bizzarohawks, submitted this guest article below. I don’t know about you, but I enjoyed his perspective.

I started the season in last place and somehow remained there and despite trades, picking up, and dropping players, it really didn’t seem to matter! I figured the reigning league champion was right there next to me so it’s not all bad. Well, after a few key trades and religiously watching stat tracker like a complete loser last year's champ, Court “Bill Nye” Watson, made his way to the top while I sat in the cellar wondering how my team could suck ass week in and week out.

The bright spot of the season for the Bizzarohawks, and there were few, was a 2-1 record versus the cockiest team in the league, Steve Loves Paymon, a.k.a., Steve Shankaponamous, a.k.a. Anzoolander, a.k.a. Jesse Cook. Another bright spot this season was the unveiling of the new Bizzarohawks Jerseys. My team may have performed poorly, but we sure looked good sucking!

The league took on a whole new level of seriousness with the introduction of Jonah Takula writing opinions on the league and creating a weekly power ranking. What could be better than having some imaginary asshole critiquing your team on a weekly basis, all of your moves and trades dissected like pre-med student on a cadaver? Nothing! Thanks for wasting your time Jonah, reporting on the greatest fantasy hockey league this season. I’ll miss your witty comments and your gift of pointing out the obvious.

I could carry on forever with my rants from the season but some of us have tee times!

Good luck to all* in the playoffs.

* All excludes the following GMs: Court Watson and Jesse Cook.

Tighter Than A Nun’s Butt

The playoff race really couldn’t get any closer, with 5 days left 8th place is only 5 points back of the 6th and final playoff spot. 

Ottawa HC	473
Reggie 'Reg' Dunlop	439
HANK'S AUTOSHOP	434
RoBERTo LuFONGo	415
Andre Poodle Lussier	406
Guess who's golfing?	403
1st round bye-bye	402
GM Anze Backup	398
Mystery Eskimos	391
Bizzarohawks	379

 

Reggie ‘Reg’ Dunlop made a surge last night in an attempt to secure the 1st round bye, but will need to continue their strong play to keep it.  Things are not looking good for 1st round bye-bye, with only one player going tonight vs. RoBERTo LuFONGo’s 4 (though one is injured).  Look for Guess who’s golfing to get off the schneid tonight and get some points in an effort to claim that final playoff spot.  As typical, GM Anze Backup is playing an inferior team that is having a career week; that team is like the Michael Jordan era Chicago Bulls; even crappy teams play like contenders against them.  It will be interesting to see if Bizzarohawks ends GM Anze Backup’s season, or if GM Anze Backup steps it up and claims a playoff spot.

Power Rankings: Week 22

This season is coming down to the wire with at least 6 teams still having a realistic chance at the last playoff spot. The matchups this week couldn’t be any better, making it a great playoff race right to the finish. Lets take a look at this week’s power rankings.

1. Ottawa HC (previous ranking: 1) – Only an off week from Pekka Rinne and Martin Brodeur prevented Ottawa HC from destroying RoBERTo LuFONGo, but the win was enough to clinch a playoff berth. This week Ottawa HC has nothing to lose and looks to be the spoiler for Guess who’s golfing? With a little skill and a little luck from Ottawa HC, the answer may be Jesse Cook.

2. HANK’S AUTOSHOP (3) – A big win this past week put this team within 3 points of the coveted 2nd place and a first round playoff bye. A tough week this week as HA will face Andre Poodle Lussier. GM Zach Gray, in a fit of glue-sniffing euphoria, actually offered 1st round bye-bye Olli Jokinen and Dan Boyle for Cam Barker and Dwayne Roloson. This move significantly weakened the offense and provided zero benefit in return. If Zach wasn’t on glue, I hope somebody punches him in the nuts for this blunder.

3. Reggie ‘Reg’ Dunlop (2) – Maintains a top three standing in the power rankings but only because of the team’s league standings. This team has struggled mightily and will need to battle this week for the first round bye and a chance to regroup. A loss this week and this team won’t last long in the playoffs.

4. 1st round bye-bye (4) – Made humongous moves before last week’s trade deadline and now has a squad that all the other manager’s envy. There is no question the talent is there, now the team needs to look to GM Cole Ballard to see if the leadership is in the right place. Based on the change of team name, this writer says it is doubtful.

5. RoBERTo LuFONGo (5) – This past week was a glimpse into the future of this team: Good enough to make the playoffs, not good enough to win. Maybe next year.

6. Andre Poodle Lussier (6) – Not the best week to have Marion Hossa sidelined with an injury, but still in your starting lineup. Hopefully he returns to provide this team with the fire power needed to get past red hot HANK’S AUTOSHOP this week and into the playoffs.

7. GM Anze Backup (7) – Needed a bigger win this past week than what they got, but not out of it yet. The matchups work almost completely in favor of this team this week, with the 5 and 6 seed playing each other, the 4 seed playing the 1 seed, the 7 seed playing the 2 seed, and GM Anze Backup playing the bottom dwelling Bizzarohawks. While this team leads the league statistically, performance has mainly been front loaded this season and this team has slowed down in the last few weeks. GM Red McIntyre needs the numbers of the year from his boys this week to have a chance.

8. Who’s going golfing? (10) – After donating every key player on his team to other teams, especially his goalies, there is a very real chance it may be this team that is the answer to GM Jesse Cook's thought provoking question.

9. Mystery Eskimos (8) – Clearly, GM Caleb Widen has gone in search of a rub and tug, mailed it in and donated the best goalie in fantasy sports to First round bye-bye. Strong start this week and an outside chance of making the playoffs, but it is doubtful.

10. Bizzarohawks (9) – Watching this team is like watching the Duke’s golf swing. You aren’t sure whether to call an ambulance, steal their wallet and leave them for dead, or if they are faking it. As a fantasy hockey non-expert, I can only conclude that GM Scott Freeland has a serious case of impatience mixed with emotional distrust, often trading his players off too cheaply when their performance is less than expected, or benching his stars after an off week. Point in case, Jason Spezza, who sits on the bench this week over Todd White and Jarret Stoll (no, I am not making this up), even though Spezza plays on more game. His emotions got the best of him last week when he agreed to a trade with 1st round bye-bye that even he later said “even (he) wanted to veto it.” I expected a ninja to be more disciplined. Oh well, you can’t blame a guy for trying. Actually, yes you can. You suck Scott.

Chop Chop

Based on my betting strategy, I should have split games last week. Fortunately, I forgot to bet against Detroit on Wednesday night, and went 2-1. Including the Detroit game, I am 16-11 in the last 3 weeks. Here are the teams I am betting against this week.

Today – Buffalo and St. Louis

Sunday – Boston, Chicago and Minnesota

Monday – New York Rangers

Tuesday - Toronto

Thursday – Carolina, Ottawa and Tampa Bay

Friday – Columbus

Hoping to get on a run this week, upping the bets after that great Geoff Ogilvy hit…daddy needs a new pair of shoes! Seriously, I do, they have holes in them.

A Second Try At A Podcast

We were back in the studio last night before the Canucks game, this time with a roundtable approach…all in all, it worked out well, though next time we (or at least I) need to be drunk and quieter; this microphone picks up everything.  You can find it on iTunes here, stream it through your browser here, or download it below.

Power Rankings: Week 21

With the trade deadline this week in fantasy hockey, teams are scrambling to shore up their rosters in the hopes of a playoff run. Lets take a look at this week’s power rankings and see what moves were made.

1. Ottawa HC (previous ranking: 1) – an easy win this week against a struggling Mystery Eskimos al but assured this team a playoff spot, and a good week this week could secure the first seed. Ottawa GM called up Martin Brodeur off of IR who should help solidify the strong netminders in the active roster. Moves to pick up Sidney Crosby’s new linemate Chris Kunitz and Montreal winger Alex Tanguay could give this team added offensive power.

2. Reggie ‘Reg’ Dunlop (2) – A disappointing performance this weekend and an article lambasting half of the roster led this team to search for answers on the waiver wire. Unfortunately, the moves may not be enough.

3. HANK’S AUTOSHOP (3) – A strong performance last week may have crushed GM Anze Backup’s dreams of the postseason. On paper, HANK’S performance was a statistical aberration..it will be interesting to see if this team can keep it up.

4. D. Cherry Drinks Cum (7) – Came soaring back this week against Reggie ‘Reg’ Dunlop, and made perhaps the trades of the year picking up Jarome Iginla, Nicklas Backstrom, Miikka Kiprusoff, and Martin St. Louis. This team could be scary good, but again, has to mindful of how many times the Washington Capitals play in the coming weeks.

5. RoBERTo LuFONGo (8) – Finally gave a performance worthy of his roster. It is always interesting to see what GM Bert Fong will do in the future.

6. Andre Poodle Lussier (5) - Managed to finally get into the playoff picture, but will have to work to keep that spot. Smart pickup in Brian Campbell this week to get some more offense going.

7. GM Anze Backup (4) – The loss this week may have been the nail in the coffin. GM Red McIntyre is so frustrated his hair has all fallen out. He really doesn’t need any changes, as he is clearly the best team on paper, but unless he has huge wins the last two weeks, he is a goner.

8. Mystery Eskimos (9) – A bad loss this week, but isn’t completely out of it. Tried to donate half his team to D. Cherry Drinks Cum, but the whole brother-in-law conflict of interest led to a quick veto by the rest of the league. If this team gets hot, it could make the playoffs..only time will tell.

9. Bizzarohawks (6) – So close, yet so far. A loss this week leaves this team with a chance to still make the playoffs, but a donation of Miikka Kiprusoff and Martin St. Louis to D. Cherry Drinks Cum made this team that much weaker. A few waiver pickups of complete insignificance won’t help this team. Maybe God will.

10. Steve Shankopotamous (10) – As chronicled since the inception of this blog amid constant criticism, this team has been ranked in a way that would imply that it would not make the playoffs (i.e. dead fucking last). After a loss this past week, this team is now officially out of a playoff spot, which might as well be last. This team needs a solid couple of weeks to get back in, but the donation of Iginla, Backtrom, Tim Thomas and Ryan Miller to other teams which are now playoff contenders makes this team really sucky. Like a spoiled little child, GM Jesse Cook, who has tried harder, boasted more, and celebrated the loudest, now says that he “could care less.” He might be able to sneak into the playoffs still, but I expect a first round loss.

Maybe I Should Switch To Golf

I took a break from betting on hockey this weekend, only because there were no matchups that fit my criteria.  Instead, I put a 20-1 bet on both Geoff Ogilvy and Anthony Kim to win the Accenture World Matchplay.  Ogilvy won, and I cashed in.  This week in the NHL, there are no bets I will be placing until Wednesday.

Wednesday – against Detroit.  They showed Saturday night with a 8-0 loss to Nashville that 1) they are bored and 2) they are really bored in the second game of a back to back.

Friday – Against Calgary, Dallas and Phoenix.

That is it this week.  In the past week I went 5-2, and since posting my criteria, I am 14-9, which isn’t too bad for the cash in pocket.