Another year is in the books, and for the second time in league history, we have a back-to-back champion. Well done to Anzoolader on this impressive feat, and well done to Philsopher King’s for getting worse.
Without further adieu, I present the final message of the season from Anzoolander GM Jesse Cook, the Anze Cup Champion:
What is better than one Cup? Two Cups obv.
Three Ane Cup Finals in a row and back-to-back Anze Cup Championships has solidified Anzoolander as one of the elite Fantasy Hockey GM's of all-time.
Who would of thought with no picks until the 4th round and Carey Price on the IR the entire season that there was even a chance to make the playoffs, let alone win? Well, Anzoolander GM Jesse Cook did because his team is full of winners, including NHL All-Star Game MVP John Scott.
The core of Kopitar, Benn, Toews, Stamkos and Price will remain intact, however, it was the emergence of young superstars in Kuznetsov, Gallagher, Gibson and Panarin that paved the way for yet another Anze Cup.
There were some fantastic first round match-ups this year with most going down to the wire. If Hatrick Swayze GM Todd Toohill wasn't a retard and had kept Kris "with a mothafucking K" Letang instead of David "I'm old and terrible at hockey" Backes he might have upset the great Anzoolander. But he didn't. And got smoked.
The semi finals were also close where Luke "I spend all day thinking about fantasy hockey and not working" Mackinnon lost to his boss, Chris "I have 20 of the first 22 picks and still almost missed the playoffs" Thomas. You gotta let your boss win, especially when he has 489 guns because he's aTexan.
Loko ran out of steam as the powerhouse that is Anzoolander flexed its muscle when needed and rolled into the finals the heavy favorite in the brother-in-law finals. Loko does have a very very very good shot at winning the Stanley Cup bet this year though....that team is stacked and I heart John Carlson.
Stamkos decided to make things interesting by intentionally having a blood clot to even the playing field in the finals. So, the newly picked up Silfverberg needed to remain hot and The Bread Man needed to keep up an insane pace. The match started off with a big Tuesday for Anzoolander, however the Texans were still close throughout the week until Anzoolander decided to lay the smack down on Saturday night with a monster evening which secured most categories. Still, Ghost Bear made it really interesting with a PPG to start the night off on Sunday but it was too little too late....goodnight Irene.
If you didn't make the playoffs you aren't worth mentioning as you are literally terrible human beings.
Some quick thoughts on the Top 8:
- Jesse Loves Paymon - you should spend less time on all fours taking it from Paymon and more time finding one goalie that isn't terrible.
- Kane and She was Abel...Hellcats!
- Philoph....terrible fucking name
- Hatrick Swayze...no clue what he is doing...its as if Stevie Wonder is running this team
- Lokomotiv....Carlson for your next 10 first rounders. Book it.
- Hellcats - The King is dead and your keepers are marginal at best.
- Texans - your team is the best of the losers.
Finally, thank you to Stupid Court for running such a fabulous league and pretending you spend zero time watching games when we all know you are full of shit. Also, thanks for making hilarious trades for marginal keepers such as Claude Giroux who you feel is better suited somewhere else and in his place, some guy I don't even know but hear he plays D for the Avs. Nice job. You suck. Burn.
The Anze Cup will remain in the hands of Anzoolander once again and located on a shelf much too high for Pete to reach even if he wanted to try and steal it.
Have a good summer lads, see you next season, and....Hellcats!
For those who don’t check Whatsapp and use an random email for yahoo, the draft order for the 2016-17 season is as follows:
| 1. | Me So Vyborny |
| 2. | Kanucks |
| 3. | Connor McSaviors |
| 4. | ChingChong BingBongs |
| 5. | Everett Silvertips |
| 6. | Super Sperm |
| 7. | Pistol's Hellcats |
| 8. | Jesse Loves Paymon |
| 9. | Hatrick Swayze |
| 10. | Philosopher King |
| 11. | Kane & she was Abel |
| 12. | Lokomotiv 2138 |
| 13. | Texans |
| 14. | Anzoolander |
Order was set using Draftlotto.com and the probabilities specified in the league charter. You can view results here.
Also, be on the lookout for voting on league awards this season, but in the mean time, please take the time to vote on the following league items that could impact the upcoming season and next year’s draft lottery”
- Revisiting the four starting d-men roster change; after a couple of years, a vote on whether we want to keep it long term
- Changing the draft for teams that finished 3-8 from a mini lottery to a fixed order based on finish, not considering consolation round, and a tie breaker for team eliminated in the same round being the overall regular season records
- Replacing PIMs with hits, as PIMs are really punitive to a team and shouldn’t count as an offensive category.
We need at least 11 GMs to vote on each issue, with a simple majority winning. In the event of a tie, no change occurs. I made both of those rules up right now, Schauble.
Changes would be effective this up coming season and the 2017-18 season draft lottery.
Thank you all for your spirited participation.
JM
