Power Rankings: Week 7

Before we get to power rankings, just a reminder that league fees are due by December 1.  I don’t care how much you owe, even it is $1.88, if payment is not received, you will be locked out of team management. 

http://hockey.fantasysports.yahoo.com/hockey/21705/finances 

Now, this week’s power rankings are being brought you from Texans GM, Chris Thomas, disproving the stereotype that people from Texas can neither read or write (but not disproving the stereotype that Texas is full of only steers and queers):

1.  Anzoolander (2) - This team has done a great job of using the waiver wire and (Kills me to say) drafting. There is a potent talent level here with unbelievable scoring ability. Getting lucky with a rookie who must love date raping girls to be able to keep up with Kane, and a veteran finally living up to his ability in Montreal. Unfortunately Gallagher will be out with a broken hand that requires surgery (waaaaaahh). If the goaltending can keep up, look out, this could be on the path to repeat.

(GM Jesse Cook after championship #2, which won’t happen)

2.  Lokomotiv 2138 (1)

This team is not surprisingly ranked number two because of the consistency. With only 1 player with 20 points, but 10 players with 15 or more points, should keep this train moving. Average goal tending could derail this team for the Anze Cup, but there is no doubt they will make the playoffs. Looks like selling Connor for this years’ cup may pay off.

3.  Philospoher King (10) - This team is only ranked number three out of pity. His team is over-performing from the norm and with the injury to his young super star, this could get ugly quick. There is a load of young talent who will no doubt keep this team great for years to come as long as the GM can keep a level head. Now that his trading partners have nothing, and I mean nothing to give, he will have to look for other avenues to improve his team.

4.  Texans (4) - This team has been very consistent with an unlucky schedule. The mediocre drafting could be the demise. Also, great Defense seems to be a problem with the best worst +/- at Minus 40. If this team stays healthy, could make a run for the cup. Inevitably this GM will find a way to screw up this years’ team with some corroboration of bertmetrics. (Had to keep this picture going)

5.  Pistol’s Hellcats (7) - This team has great goaltending…. And nothing else!

Trending Down but will still make the playoffs because of a super easy schedule!

6.  Super Sperm (3) - Wow, this team could be so good. Arguably the best keepers in the league. Arguably the worst management though. Bad drafting has kept this team at arm’s reach from the top. I suggest a big trade or two will push you closer to the top.

7.  Jesse Loves Paymon (5) - Lucky for this team Evgeni Malkin might have woken up. GM Steve McIntyre also uses the preferred method of trading (bertmetrics). Average goaltending and poor play from most of his team is why this team ends up in the seven spot. Should he find some suitors for a big trade (which he won’t) he might have a team to compete.  Here is your trading partner:

8.  Kane & She Was Abel (6) - This team is aptly named as the only good player he has is leading the league in points. Luckily this works out to two decent players on other teams. The only reason this team is doing so well in the rankings is because each week the team playing him has an off week. This will change, unlike the behavior of his top player:

9.  Hatrick Swayze (12) - With one player above 15 points and bad goaltending, it’s easy to see why this team remains in the lower middle. Might want to think about changing your picture. Cut and paste should work for you. If you still don’t understand why your team is here, actually look at it! (JM:  This team is on pace to defy statistics.  There is a high correlation between shots and points, and this team is defying that correlation.  Top of the league in shots, bottom in points, it is actually amazing to watch.  Maybe this team does have AIDS.)

10.  Everett Silvertips (11) - This team continues to baffle me as to why they keep losing with the keepers they have… Oh wait, terrible goaltending and mismanagement. It is unbelievable how good the original keepers are but won’t produce on this team. The lack of depth is obvious another red flag. Speaking of flags, GM Court Watson might want to waive this around.

11.  Kanucks (8) - This team is good, oh wait, that is another team. The good news for GM Dave is that he is used to being in this spot. There might be one player you can trade (JM:  Nope). Third lowest in points scored but second in PIMS is a good thing right! Just like something else I have heard of.

12.  Connor McSaviors (9) - This team got a raw deal coming into the league with a bad team. Rookie GM Ryan Zupan had the chance to get things going with some good picks in the draft and chose Drouin with his FIRST pick. What were you thinking GM Zoops, your future is at the bottom, welcome to the best league around (JM: ever)!

I know you like posting these types of pics!

13.  ChingChong BingBongs (13) - This team is really good at being bad. Fortunately there is one team worse. There are 3 players with over 15 points, and that is it. You should have a good shot at 1^st pick next year.

14.  Me So Vyborny (14) - If hockey’s greatest players were on the second line, this team would be awesome. As most of us know, it is the top line that does most of the scoring hence why this team has hardly any points. Maybe a 3 or 4 for 1 trade could be in the works for a playoff team needing depth. Just saying. It’s an idea! Good luck!

Good job Tex.  JM.