Power Rankings: Week 4

We are three weeks in, lots of story lines taking shape.  Most notably, some of the best players in the league being injured or dying (Tavares, Price, McDavid, Crosby (I think).  Here are this week’s power rankings, courtesy of Philospher King GM, Luke Mackinnon.  As always, previous rank is in parenthesis.

1.  Lokomotiv 2138 (1)

With 9 players and both goalies ranked in the top 100, you had better brace yourself for this undefeated team.  After knocking off the number one seed in week one, (even though both teams outscored everyone), all could see right away that the huge blockbuster trade in the offseason was about to pay off in 2015-16. Burns a top 5 d-man, Zetterberg has 14 points, Crawford had back to back shutouts last week, Hudler and Plecanic 'throw in players', all for one prospect and a very late draft pick. Even though this team could face some D trouble soon, Lokomotiv has been sharp on the waiver grabbing the likes of Larkin, an absolute steal (considering others drafted a rookie in the 4th). Look for this team to continue its trend around the top of the league.  #AllinOrBust

2.  Anzoolander (5)

Another undefeated team, last years cup champion is right back at it.  I honestly have no idea how, considering the number of picks he had in the top 5 rounds.  He might just have the best keepers in the game though, so that helps. And Carey Price. Price.  The goalie, that he traded for JVR, FML. Kuz and Gallagher are proving the genius of this ugly, ugly, GM.  His seven player defensive core will prove to be his downfall, as I predict there is no way he can maintain a top five spot for long.  Top heavy, like the real Jesse Dean Cook and that massive mug, this team will stumble.  #WhereIsTheDepth

3.  Pistol's Hellcats (2)

No one loves this team more than its own GM.  With 11 players and both goalies in the top 100 rankings, some might ask how and why this team is not ranked number one. With two great goalies (yes, they are both great), they should be up in the top ranks to stay.  We need to see more from this team though then a disgraceful loss last week with half the points of other teams, and two wins in the first two weeks to 'bye teams'.  If his old d-men don't break, and Jagr can keep playing hockey, you would think this team will keep the high scores rolling.  #DomiTrain #UnderAppreciated 

4.  Super Sperm (4)

Great keepers that should be scoring a ton of goals will always keep this team in the tops of this league.  He only has one goalie and 3 d-men... both could be an issue, but so far its worked. Picking Yak, Strome, Duclair, Reinhart, and so on, is reaching ... but maybe.  All good players that could break out in a big way... maybe.  I tend to like this team.  #MovingOnUp

5.  Texans (7)

With so many picks in the top 5 rounds, even a Texan could not fuck this up. This team is strong top to bottom, and not only held the preseason number one ranking, it also held the Yahoo draft site projections at number one.  Kudos to a previously terrible GM for making the necessary sacrifice last year to be good this year. A couple changes and this could be the team to beat this year heading into playoffs.  #HeadedToTheTop

6.  Jesse Loves Paymon (11)

Some have tried to pull the title of worst team name away from this squad... and it just can never stick while this team exists. With major injuries across the board and Bobrovsky playing the way he is, this team will be lucky to stick in the mix over the next few weeks. It faces tough competition with adversity. If they can play to a respectable level, I expect that it will make them stronger, and we will see this team in the playoffs come season end.  #HangingOn #InjuryBug

7.  Kane & She Was Able (6)

The pain this team must go through every week to choose its second goalie must give this offside GM fits.  "Which of my split time goalies is going to have a better chance to win their one game they will play this week??!!?"  Clearly what doesn't bother him, from looking at the team name, is the fact that Kane, Big Buff, and Ribeiro all spend time in and around jail or the law.  Bad boys to the core, I'm sure it's only a matter of time before Simmonds is in on the fun too. In other news, a player no one has ever heard of in Borowiecki is getting his fourth weekly start in a row... surely its the sound of his name that is the lure, and not the one assist.  #CriminalsNeverWin #Borg

8.   Hatrick Swayze (12)

Another one of these all round fantasy hockey teams that you would think would be higher up the ranks.  It doesn't help that Sidney Crosby, normally an absolute terror to play against, has 5 points on the year.  The other thing that is easy to see on this squad, is what teams the players play for.  A lot of Buffalo, Toronto, Arizona and so on.  Is anyone sure that besides Kucherov and Tampa, that anyone of these players actually plays for a team that is going to make the playoffs?  This rookie GM might have shown his rookie stripes already... or maybe those are the gems on bad teams drafted for good value.  I can't tell yet. I'm sure Toots The Tyrant can get them there though.  Expect this team to battle for a playoff spot. #Roughstart

9.  Philosopher Kings (3)

An offseason move that set this team back for the now, things were looking up as his youth and changes were paying off. Then Conner Mcdavid went AWOL into the boards. This team is about to go AWOL as well. Can Jones really be a number one goalie? Is David Krejci back? Is Getz just done? Who is Nikolaj Ehlers anyways? #TooManyQuestions #TooEarlyToTell

10.  Everett Silvertips  (9)

I can hear the cries of injustice and NOOOOOooo's now as you read this! Currently ranked as the worst team in this league, even the shitty mismanagement of this GM can't keep this team down for long.  Those that face this team could be in for a rude awakening, as this team will awake from its slumber soon. Despite the goalie turnstile that GM Court Watson has implemented with the likes of Markstrom, Gustavsson, Ortio, Ullmark, Stalock, Ward, Nilsson, Mrazek, and Rask, he still does arguably have the best keepers in this league.  And as one GM interviewed said, "its a team of the who's who in fantasy hockey, WTF?".  I guess spreadsheets and shooting percentage are not always right. Might want to try watch a game some day.  #Enigma #YouSuckCourt

11.  Conner McSaviors (10)

I know for a fact every Sunday when this GM sets his line up, he curses Todd Toothill’ss name for getting the better situation.  An honorable job making some offseason moves to improve, this is the first team on this list that will not be in the hunt for the playoffs.  I would think GM 'I'll show you a dick pick every chance I get, Zupan" knew that when he drafted Drouin in the first round.  Its all about the future, and this GM will be a big upgrade to the do nothing GM of the past.  Good luck McSaviors. #BuildingForTheFuture

12.  Kanucks (13)

A tradeaholic by nature, this GM spends his time debating moves, while making moves in cross fit. I like the effort, and as previously discussed, believe he wins more than we give him credit for... that said... you'll never win playing four weeks in a row of two goalies on the same team, Elliot/Allen.  For the love of God, put your tradeaholic blood to good use and do something about it.  Its painful to watch.  Even doing this, this team laid an absolute blasting to Everett Silvertips last week.  The pieces are there to make an impact, but not going anywhere unless the goalie situation gets resolved.  #TylerJohnsonForGoalieTradeRumors

13.  Me So Vyborny (8)

The team of second line players, with a couple gems that are not performing... and with no end in site. Yikes.  I don't know that the one waiver wire move shows...?  I don't know what those two goalies are trying to show us either??!!  Why are they so bad.  Starters, with every opportunity... just so bad... #Help.WhatDoIDo?

14.  Ching Chong Bing Bongs (14)

Next year I will be signing the petition to have this team name switch to Bertmetrics, with the slogan "you win some, you lose some, and sometimes you ching chong bing bong some."  Terrible, terrible, TERRIBLE, offseason trades doomed this team from the beginning, and there is absolutely NO recovering from it this year. Lose. Get the number one draft pick, and trade it to me for more than Hornqvist (current rank 386th), and a back up goalie on a shitty shitty team that has one win and three games under his belt.  I could blast you with details of more past trades like moving a second round for literally nothing (editor’s note:  and Getzlaf and Pacioretty for nothing)... but I like you. You're funny... And you should never tap the fishbowl.  #InvestInNextYearNow.

Laser Luke, on point.

Thanks Luke, generally on point with some glaring errors but whatevs.

Also, amounts owed for this year can be found here: 

http://hockey.fantasysports.yahoo.com/hockey/21705/finances 

This includes the $60 league entry fee and transaction fees from last year (less remaining payout for those who won something).  All payments must be made through paypal to puckyourself at live dot com.  All payments in USD.  All fees paid by the GM, the league does not absorb any fees.  Then the money sits in paypal until the season ends.  Payment is due by Nov. 1.  After November 1, your roster will be locked and you will not be able to do anything until you pay.  Got it?  Don’t care.  Figure it out.

JM