Power Rankings: Week 12

With teams taking a break for the Christmas holiday (yeah I said it, Christmas, screw all those other holidays), limited playing time equaled some volatile swings in matchups, and the best team didn’t always come out on top. Here we go:

1. Reggie ‘Reg’ Dunlop – A down week by Reg standards and they actually gained ground on the rest of the league. Look for RRD to continue their dominance over Wonders On Ice, who is struggling to find solid goaltending with Craig Anderson losing his starting spot to Thomas Vokoun.

2. The Plumbers – Continuing last week’s success where TP buried Anzoolander, The Plumbers maintained the offensive prowess and added stellar goaltending play as both Manny Fernandez and Thomas Vokoun put on display every reason they are starters in this league. Picking up rookie phenom Kris Versteeg for the bargain of unloading streaky, oft-injured Tomas Holmstrom was a brilliant move by TP manager Steve McIntyre. McIntyre comments on the trade, "You suck Cook!” TP should dispose of Eeeeehhhhhh handily this week.

3. WONDERS ON ICE – WOI would have seen victory had he not gone head to head with The Plumbers. This week will be crucial as WOI needs a strong showing to stay at #2 in the standings.

4. Mystery Eskimos – A slow week lead to a loss to an inconsistent Ottawa HC squad. Manager Caleb Widen is looking forward to the upcoming match against BOT, telling BOT manager Cole Ballard “you don’t got dinky doo.”

5. Back on Track? – A devastating loss of Alexander Semin led to a devastating loss to RRD. Carter and crew need to pick it up to take a win off of the Mystery Eskimos and stay in the playoff hunt.

6. Ottawa HC – Sidney Crosby finally scored, Marc-Andre Fleury came back from with a vengeance, and Ottawa HC has added Brian Rolston to the roster in the upcoming week. Does Ottawa HC have enough left to claim the final playoff spot? The next few weeks will be crucial.

7. Buh humbug BITCHES! – A strong, strong offensive performance this week, BHB will look to Steve Mason and Cristobal Huet this week to propel him over bottom dweller Anzoolander. Scott Freeland, in his best Herm Edwards impersonation, was seen running the Medina marathon after this week’s victory screaming, “WE CAN BUILD ON THIS, WE CAN BUILD ON THIS!” (How is there no clip of this gem on Youtube?)

8. Eeeeehhhhhh – A brutal week, even a fantasy team of Fallopian tubes could have taken this team down. Hopefully manager Matt Welsh has some changes lined up, but it is doubtful.

9. RoBERTo LuFONGo – As noted in last week’s Bert-metrics, it was clearly demonstrated by Dr. Jaghil Fuckbert that manager Bert Fong is dumber than The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. A loss to Buh humbug BITCHES was inevitable after Bert-metrics was implemented.

10. Anzoolander – A change in team name did not hide the questionable pick up of Dustin Byfuglien nor the loss of Kris Versteeg in a sly trade by The Plumbers manager Steve McIntyre. How he won this week is a confusing as how Tom Cruise received a Golden Globe nomination for Tropic Thunder. Cook goes into this week’s matchup against Buh humbug Bitches as the clearly inferior team. Cook has said that his strongest asset was that he was “so great at blowing Jonah.” This writer categorically denies that this is true, though is investigating whether Jesse wrote the song below about his relationship with Paymon: