At about 12:30 pm PST, managers Mike Gaunt, Cole Ballard and Court Watson completed the lottery to determine draft picks? Why did it take three? Because nobody trusts anyone else, that’s why. I think somewhere in there is the first light bulb/fantasy manager joke. Below is the order of the upcoming draft, with reverse order in even numbered rounds.
#1. $0.20 Kane (Steve) – Which of the big 3 does he take? My bet is on Crosby, because Steve is a jew.
#2. Andre ‘Poodle’ Lussier (Matt) – This might not even be a big 3 pick, this one might go with Zetterberg or Datsyuk, since he would blow either given the chance.
#3. Kanucks (Dave K) – most likely pick the last of the big 3, my bet is Malkin
#4. Dave ‘Killer’ Carlson (Mike) – We could see the first goalie go here. Standard wisdom says Luongo, but Gaunt wisdom says Nabakov.
#5. Texans (Chris) – Your guess is as good as mine on what this pick will be. Maybe Hunter Pence or Roy Oswalt.
#6. Grand Rapid T-Hawks (Matt) – Should be interesting this draft, as both APL and this team are managed by Red Wings fans.
#7. Suck It Trebek (Ryan) – Already completed one draft for a keeper league so has a leg up on the rest of us, look for some sleeper pick that one of his fantasy guidebooks tipped him on, like Leino.
#8. RoBERTo LuFONGo (Bert) – Bertmetrics should be in full force here, and the end result will be Gaborik.
#9. Oversized Gerbils (Jesse) – Gonna be a shame to waste such a high draft pick on a fuck face who punched a cabbie over 20 cents Blackhawk (see said homo below).
#10. TBD (Scott) – I think we all know this isn’t going to end well.
#11. Malkin in the Middle (Dave D.) – Both Malkin and Crosby will be gone, who’s next on the Penguins for this Pittsburgh native? The guy who looks like he eats babies, Jordan Staal?
#12. Amish Rake Fighters (Peter) – Three words for you, Yahoo! Auto Draft.
#13. Montreal Wanderers (Court) – Gonna have to find someone who has breakout potential that isn’t overrated to compete in this spot. Good luck.
#14. The Moose Knubles (Cole) – I think it is safe to say that whoever this team takes in this pick, they will gladly deal them straight up for Semyon Varlamov, so grab Varlamov while you can.
Honestly, I'll be fine if Iginla falls to me. Bound to recover after looking like a jagoff last year.
ReplyDeleteAlthough I'll feel good If I can get Sernin also. He just needs to stay on the ice more.
Bust of the year. Parise. No way that Slewt continues to put up the #'s.
Actually my keeper pool draft date is on the same day and time as our pool... so you might be getting an auto draft or two in there if I'm not paying attention... GG me.
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