A Champion's Message, Long Overdue

As a result of multifactor authentication hell, forgotten past words, unrecognized devices, and generally fuckery on behalf of myself, we FINALLY have the Champions message to share. At least he got his Anze Cup somewhat timely.  Enjoy this bit of poetry from defending champion, Mitch Please's Ryan Zupan:

There are few key moments in a man’s life that he takes to his grave & savors with the final exhale… his first beer, first bang, first threesome, first tag team threesome, his first time out with Combo, first fish, first kill, first Swedish kill, first Asian kill, first kill in a hot tub on the field of an Edmonton Eskimos game (don’t cancel!), and at the top of the list, the first championships…

With some men the list of wins fills up an entire lifetime that’s relived & savored like a dripping piece of brisket on a Sunday smoke sesh.  With some men that final moment has enough wins to last for eternity.  Some call it heaven. 
 
For the 13 degen GMs who lay beneath Mitch Please, on their death beds they shall see this face when they scroll past 2021.  The face of a champion:

Winners fucken win, boys.

 

Seven years.  Seven goddamn years it took to draft & trade & waiver wire pickup my way out of the trash squad I inherited when I joined this league of shitbags.  Todd inherited Sidney Crosby.  I inherited Mikko Koivu.  Life ain’t fair but winners don’t care. 

 

14 GMs, one cup.  I like my cups Anze’d, hows about you? 

 

I actually felt bad so splurged & got you all one of your own:

It took a global pandemic to take last season’s championship run from me (and I will most certainly be etching 2020 onto this year’s cup, you can bet on that).  This season, not even the Fauci fiends themselves could stand in the way.  I’ll take my coronas.. WITH A LITTLE BIT A' LIME IN MY ANZE BABY.

 

Consider this, the Deutsch dangler Leon (the Professional) Draisatl & Meeeech Mahnah, franchise cornerstones, were picked up off the goddamn waiver wire.  Whaaaaat a bunch of idiots.  Jerry Seinfeld once said, ‘Adjacent to refuse is refuse.’  I am here today to tell you that I ate that éclair & lllllloved every minute of it.  The only refuse here IS the 13 GMs who will watch me guzzle pilsners from this beauty for the next lifetime. 

 

Shout out to the greasy cogs who keep this trash machine churning.  Except you, Court.  You suck.

 

This cup shall never runneth over (because I drink like a goddamn man & stay on top of that shit).

-Z