The Championships are here.

This is it, the Anze Cup finals.  The two teams in the finals are hardened warriors, going through the gauntlet to get here.  The teams knocked out in the playoffs, congratulations, your reward is zero praise, worse draft picks than if you missed the playoffs, and nobody will remember a damn thing about you.  Not dissimilar to your life.

As always, lets get started with a good championship week speech, probably what Jesse is giving his team right now:

Now lets go over to see what Luke is saying to his team:

And with that, lets look at the two teams in the finals:

Fat Ugly Version of Anze Kopitar aka Anzoolander:

The President’s trophy winner looks for his third title and has brought a cast of characters that are in pure veteran all-star mode.  With an average age of 35 (estimated) this team is looking to go out as a dynasty before imploding from old age.  In an unprecedented move, GM Jesse Cook is starting three d-men, going for volume versus stats.  Granted, this is the same person that basically failed Grade 12 math, so lets do a quick calculation based on the last 14 days’ stats.

0.51 average points x 4 games = 2.04 points

0.83 average points x 3 games = 2.49 points

Final answer  = Palmieri > Ekman-Larsson.

Hope it works out for you.  Also, who doesn’t want Luongo to win something?  Anything.  Love that guy, I am routing for you.

Henry McDavid Thoreau aka Cryrant aka Combo Classic Champs

Luke Mackinnon has finally made the Anze Cup finals, after being eliminated in the semifinals the past two years and losing in the Anze Cup finals three years ago.  This team is stacked, and should be considered the heavy favorite.  But lets look at a few numbers:

.885, .893, 882.

Martin Jones’ last three games.  Other than Ben Bishop, the biggest headcase among starting goalies in the NHL.  Coupled with the fact that the other goalie is a Russian, and Russians fold like over-payed primadonnas cheap suits, the goalie categories may be a cause for concern in the finals.  Granted, goalie categories are only 33% of the total scoring, but the more you have to lean on your offense to cover for your defense, that is always a risk.  But Cook is starting three D-men, so I am sure it is fine:

Prediction:

A repeat of the 2014 finals.  Last time they met this season, Anzoolander dominated and guess what?  Cryrant put up absolute dumpster fire stats in net, getting swept in the goalie categories.  Yet, Anzoolander rode the “elite” skills of Josh Bailey, who has the exceptional talent of once being line mates with John Tavares.  Bailey had 8 points that week, but has 5 in the last 12 games, which shows Garth Snow didn’t want to overpay him in the future, took him off Tavares’ line, and now he sucks.

So the last match isn’t really a proxy.  My prediction is that Bad Poets Society comes out firing on all cylinders and dominates.  The team is stacked and for this team to win it doesn’t need a lot to go right. Rather, to lose, it needs a lot of go wrong.  That is an enviable position to be in, and is definitely an advantage.  My final call is Sailing When They Should Be at Work wins 8-4-2 and a new Anze Cup Champion is born.

Best of luck gentlemen.

JM