I am drunk. Great game today. I have no idea what teams were previously ranked, but I know what I think right now.
1) Pistol’s Hellcats – Great goaltending, great offense. I still think this team will be similar to our President’s trophy winner of yesteryear and lose when the Canucks have a slow week, but right now, this is clearly the team to beat.
2) Jesse Loves Paymon – I want to give GM Steve McIntyre credit, but he hated this team after the draft, and has a total of 6 moves. So really, the GM has nothing to do with this team’s success.
3) Malkin in the Middle – Despite missing their best player who was raped in a few hits that resulted in a concussion, this team still put up the third most points of this week and raped their opponent offensively. Crosby sounds like he will be back shortly and be able to rape his opponents again. Question is, will GM Dave Dugan leverage his future to get that last missing piece he needs in net to rape opponents defensively? A-Ben. Rape.
4) Super Sperm – Me wanted Nabokov.. 
5) Me So Vyborny – Standings be damned, this team can compete. For fucks sake, leverage one of your goalies for either future picks or better offense; no way you can keep them all.
6) Anzoolander - Beat titan this past week, another one this week…two wins in a row will make this team hard to ignore. Sergei Kostitsyn is in, he’s out, he’s in! He also has tits in his name, which is GM Jesse Cook’s lucky charm.
7) Not Poodle – This team, to be honest, got lucky that their opponent had a slow week offensively. I am not big on this team, and I don’t see GM Matt Welsh making any moves for a playoff run.
8) Captain Chinese – I said that Tibetian GM Bert Fong wouldn’t sell high and buy low on players outperforming on this team, and now he loses to a cellar dweller. Way to suck at fantasy hockey. This team is the Yang in fantasy hockey management to GM Pete Shpak’s Ying. All energy in circular, and for every action there is an simultaneous, opposite and equal reaction. GM Bert Fong should have know this, but, he sucks.
9) Bizzarohawks – Looks like they are making some moves for the future, so lets hope something pays off. GM Scott Freeland tries, but really can’t get a break. Almost like he lives in Cleveland or something. Oh, wait….
10) Texans – I can’t remember who is on this team, nor do I even know who they played this week…that isn’t a good sign…
11) Sultan HC – Even with the caps playing well, this team still isn’t very productive offensively. That isn’t a good thing. I think this team will miss the playoffs, and only has one real keeper.
12) This Space 4 rent $5 – This team has one keeper. And that isn’t good.
13) Kanucks – Some nice offense this week. Has one legitimate keeper, but pretends to have four. At least the strong showings will help ensure a middle of the pack draft pick. GM Dave Kitchen – congratulations. I expect to see 7 posts and 797 comments regarding this congrats on Facebook shortly (if we really wanted to fuck with him, we could show how he only thinks he has control over social media, but he really doesn’t. I started, but didn’t have the heart to do it). Side note: GM Dave Kitchen will be so preoccupied he will be even worse than he is now, if possible.
25) Everett Silvertips - Despite outscoring half the teams in this league, this team once again just got killed. Why do they even show up? Who knows. This team is like Andy Kordyban at a nightclub that doesn’t allow minors in…no chance and out of its element.
Quote of the week comes from GM Matt Meier of Me So Vyborny:
“I was thinking I would keep Sharp before I would keep Hossa, I am not sure yet.”
I’ll give you Neidermeyer for Hossa.
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