Power Rankings: Week 15

Next year, we are making the league smaller.  Why you ask?  Is it because Jesse only like’s to be in one big thing, and it is Paymon’s mouth?  Nope, it is because this weekly update is takes too long with this many teams.  Speaking of which, here they are for this week.

1.  The 2009 SJ Sharks (Previous: 1) – When I first put this team atop the rankings, I hoped it was a bad omen.   They lost that week.  Last week, no power rankings and they won.  This week:  I just had Jobu put a curse on you.

2.  2 mins for Whining (4) – This offensive juggernaut traded away some top talent, and in the process made his offense and goaltending worse.  Cellar dwelling goaltender stats will be the demise of this team, and judging by the recent flurry of moves to put this team on top of the transaction list, GM Jesse Cook knows it.  He was even spotted at a Canucks game courting Roberto Luongo to join his squad.

3.  Dave’Killer’Carlson (6) – The Borg is back.  By the way, does anyone else think it should be a requirement that this team acquire Alexandre Picard?  I do.

4.  Malkin In the Middle (8) – This team has been on a torrent pace the past month and is getting all the right breaks; a Monday morning stat correction gave this team the narrow victory this week.  The recent trade to dump a brutal goalie for a decent center only made this team better.  I pity the team that finishes atop the standings that battles this team come playoff time.

5.  Grand Rapid T-Hawks (2) – Clobbered last week, this team lives and dies by goaltending, of which it starts two of the streakiest in the game.

6.  Bizzarohawks (3) - 

7.  Texans (12) – He may be whinny, but Alexandre Burrows has more goals in the past two weeks than every player on the Calgary Flames…combined.   With Alfredsson coming back hot and Vokoun turning it one, this team could make a strong push through the playoffs.

8.  Montreal Wanderers (7) – Consistently in the top 5 week to week in points the last month and a half and with a solid stable of goaltenders, this team just hasn’t had the breakout win it needs to advance into playoff contention.  Potential back breaking loss this past week, as GM Court Watson stated that the scoring adjustment to Steve Sullivan was “a kick in the nuts, I had the win, then I woke up and it was gone.  Now I know how USC will feel.”  Needs to destroy a team one week to gain any ground in the playoff hunt.  With Fleury hurt, that might not happen.

9.  Amish Rake Fighters (5) – Outplayed by a better team this week; this team just doesn’t have what it takes to be a playoff contender.  I don’t see that changing anytime soon, even with GM Peter Burns sitting at home all day every day now.

10.  Kanucks (9) – This team won last week, but would have gotten smoked by almost every other team.  Bad trades haven’t helped this team, though GM Dave Kitchen gets an ‘A’ for effort.

11.  Swedish Old Balls (13) – Canucks score, this team does well.  If only they still had Luongo, what a dumb fuck GM Bert Fong is.

12.  Jesse Loves Paymon (11) – See dumb fuck above, this team is the benefactor.  Do we blame the shitty team on the fact that GM Red McIntyre just had a kid, or do we blame it on the fact that his track record of sucking speaks for itself?

13.  Suck It Trebek (10) – Never seen a sophmore slump start 1/3 of the way into a GM’s freshman year…well done.

14.  Andre Poodle Lussier (14) – Another sophomre slump, only this slump is coma inducing.