We Are Live

Hello all!  The league is officially back.  If you didn’t get the invite email, well, it went to the email you have registered with Yahoo!  So check that email.  Idiot.

The trades and transactions and draft order have been updated here so you can see who has which picks and how trades during the year impacted draft order.  PLEASE REMEMBER IT IS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY TO ENSURE THE ACCURACY OF THE DRAFT ORDER AFTER ADJUSTING FOR TRADES.  IF YOU DON’T LOOK AT IT AND IT TURNS OUT WRONG BUT IS TOO LATE TO CHANGE, WELL THEN FUCK YOU.

You can see the updated draft order and trade listing here.

You will note there are now two more rounds in the draft.  As discussed, this is because two more starting Defensemen positions have been added.

Here are the five times that the draft may be scheduled (all in Pacific Standard Time). 

Friday, October 3 at 5 am

Friday, October 3 at 9 pm

Saturday, October 4 at 5 am

Saturday, October 4 at 9 pm

Sunday, October 5 at 5 am

Please email me at puckyourself at live dot com with your ranking of the times from most preferred to least preferred.   You must email by Thursday, September 25 with your list of times or you have no say.  Also, realize that no time is perfect for everyone, so I don’t care about your feedback on the times available.  At all.  Ah, compromise, like when 10 people draw a horse and it ends up looking more like a camel.  Just stop fucking complaining, poor yourself a drink, sit on your left hand to numb it, then jerk off with that hand while you draft so you get the delight of drafting your fantasy hockey team while giving yourself the ‘Stranger’.

Also, new this year is the ability to set your keepers directly in Yahoo!  The date to declare keepers will be 3 days before the date that is ultimately decided to be the draft.  I don’t really totally know how this is going to work yet, but fuck it, lets roll with it.  Once submitted I can set the final draft in the system (I hope).  Don’t get cute and try to keep more than allowed, for the love of god.

Below is what is owed for league dues this year.  This includes outstanding amounts from last year (either due to transactions, or you had a credit from winning something last year).  Payment is due by October 8, 2014.  Failure to pay means you won’t be able to adjust your roster.  Failure to pay by November 1 means your team is seized by the league and given to someone else who is on our league waiting list.   All payments should go through paypal to puckyourself at live dot com, amounts owed are in USD and payer is responsible for any transaction fees.

Anzoolander	65.09
Bizarrohawks	62.00
Captain Chinese	66.00
Dr. Hook	61.11
Everett Silvertips	72.00
Flowers In The Cage	69.50
Halifax Highlanders	60.00
Jesse loves Paymon	65.00
Kanucks	65.00
Me So Vyborny	65.50
Not Poodle!!!	62.50
Pistol's Hellcats	16.53
Super Sperm	43.77
Texans	66.00

We already have two trades approved this week, excited to see the action getting started again.

JM

2014-2015 League Changes

Hello all!  The Commissioner’s meeting finally happened (about goddamn time) and there are a couple of changes that are being put in place this year.  One not so impactful, the other one is a pretty big change that will impact your strategery.

League Fees

On a unanimous vote, the commissioners decided to increase league fees to $60.  The fees currently do not represent the prestige and exclusivity of such a fine league, and an increase gets us closer to the right amount.

Lineup additions

On a 2-1 vote, the commissioners decided to increase the number of roster active lineup spots by two, adding two more d-man positions.  This allows for team starting rosters to better reflect two full lines of a real hockey team (not considering utility).  As a result, the total roster size will also increase by two.

Keeper changes

The commissioners discussed whether adding two more roster spots for additional d-men warranted adding an additional d-man specific keeper spot effective AFTER this upcoming season, changing the total keepers to a potential of 8 (6 regular keepers, one d-man keeper and one rookie keeper).  By a vote of 2-1 the commissioners voted NOT to adjust keeper settings.

Other than calling each other cock gobblers, nothing else happened in the meeting.  Steve McIntyre or Jesse Loves Paymon did guarantee victory every time his team plays Anzoolander, but that is pretty much it.

Feel free to comment on changes below; I assure you the commissioners don’t care what you think.  Especially you Schauble.

2013-2014 Awards Voting

As we get ready for the 2014-2015 season (more on that later today), now is the perfect time to vote on the 2014-2015 award winners.  Some new faces as nominees in each category, so lets get straight to it.

Jack Adams award

As you will recall, this award goes to the best fantasy hockey GM in our league, as judged by his/her peers.  The nominees are:

Pete Shpak, Pistol’s Hellcats – The only thing you ever need on your resume is on his, the Anze Cup champion.  Has a solid team, made a few good moves, and had a bit of luck, and ended up on top.  Longevity of his team may be in doubt, but last year, he was the best.

Jesse Cook, Anzoolander – A good run that fell short in a predictable way; going with an old goalie late in the season.  One could argue trading for Miller got him to the finals, and one could argue it cost him the finals.  Either way, Jesse is one of the most active GMs in the league and his moves got him to final.  Of course, you could also argue he has to be active because he is terrible at drafting.  You decide.

Sean Stock, Super Sperm – Since joining Super Sperm as a GM, this team has consistently been one of the favorites.  While it has yet to win the big one, his ability to keep this team in the league elite has been impressive.

Eugene Adams award

As you will recall, this award goes to the fantasy hockey general manager adjudged to have contributed the most to his/her team’s failure.  Quite a group of misfits we have this year:

Ryan Schauble, Super Sperm – insiders say the decisions made by Ryan are the sole reason that Super Sperm has never one the big one.  When you listen to him argue who is and isn’t a keeper (obv), it pretty much confirms this.  And he spells fuck wrong on a consistent basis, which further supports idiocy

Dave Kitchen, Kanucks – Like Jesse, one of the most active general managers in the league, however unlike Jesse, he can’t get out of the cellar.  His choices are bad.  I mean, seriously, all you do it watch people get good at exercising.  Figure out fantasy hockey.

Matt Meier, Me So Vyborny – The level of mediocrity this team exhibits is nothing short of astounding.  Outsiders are hopeful moving to a hockey town will change this team’s prospects.  Matt has once described his strategy as follows; “when someone offers a trade to me, I ask what Cole (Ballard) and Court (Watson) think.  I always end up going with what Cole thinks.”  Explains everything.

Andy Kordyban award

As you will recall, this award goes to the fantasy hockey general manager adjudged to be the biggest clown.  Aptly named, and usually won by Jesse Cook.  Here are this year’s nominees:

Court Watson – After back to back championships, missed the playoffs with a loss in the final week.  All but disappeared from fantasy hockey, but still pretends like he knows what he talking about.  Embarrassing and terrible all at once

Jesse Cook – Nobody is more vocal about how good his team his before they actually are good, and gets everyone thoroughly laughing at him and not with him.  He is a two time recipient for a reason

Matt Welsh – If you recall the start of the season, he traded for people then dropped them, and gave away good players for plugs.  If his moves were so absurdly clownish, he would be up for Eugene Adams, but this year was so bad for him he not eligible for that award.

There you have it.  Please vote in the polls on the sidebar, and thank you for all that you do.

The Draft Lottery

Hello fucktards.  The draft lottery was finally completed.  Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand without further adieu, here is the draft order. 

1	Kanucks
2	Milton Icehawks
3	Me So Vyborny
4	Texans
5	Ching Chong BingBongs
6	Not Poodle!!!
7	Jesse Loves Paymon
8	The Blackhawks
9	Bizzarohawks
10	Halifax Highlanders
11	Super Sperk
12	Flowers in the Cage
13	Anzoolander
14	Pistol's Hellcats

And for those of you screaming bloody murder, even though it was done the exact same way last year you just didn’t care because you were ok with your pick, which makes you a massive hypocrite, like anyone still owning an Adrian Peterson jersey, here is the video of the lottery.

The most boring 6 minutes of your life.

So, everyone knows their draft pick, trade away?  Already hearing rumblings about some moves, could be a solid offseason; though not sure why people haven’t made trades already.

If you don’t know how to look at last year’s roster by now, tough luck, since I tell people how to do it every year.  It isn’t hard, so I don’t feel all that bad if I don’t explain it again.

Commissioner meeting still hasn’t happened, but first order of business is to discuss a league fees increase.  It is coming, caveat emptor.

Game on.

JM