Power Rankings: Week 9

Last one for a while as next week I head to Hawai’i for some overpriced average food and sunshine.

1.  Jesse Loves Paymon (Previous: 1) – Despite a poor showing by this top ranked offense, this team still managed a win.  This was most likely a result of playing one of the worst teams in the league, knowing it was going to be a cake walk and getting wasted every night of the week.

2.  Captain Chinese (2) – Another strong week.  The Vietnamese has this team going strong.

3.  Super Sperm (3) – Keeper Phil Kessel needed everything to go right the last day of the week, and boy, did it.  Super Sperm GM Ryan Schauble thinks he should have a say in trades. LOL ROFL GFY.  Read the League Charter.

4.  Pistol’s Hellcats (7) – Average goaltending will keep this team from getting any better and being a legitimate contender.  Stevie Franchise needs to find his mojo again.  If he does, well done Pistol.  If he doesn’t, you suck Pistol.

5.  Anzoolander (8) – Strong week offensively.  GM Jesse Cook has built a pretty good team, just missing a few pieces.  Will he leverage next year to get Quick and make a run at the title?

6  Malkin in the Middle (5) – Made a move to improve in goal and had worse luck than Big Ben in a Florida nightclub.  Needs healthy goalies to survive the gauntlet over the next couple of weeks.

7.  This Space for Rent $5 (10) – 5 seconds away from a shutout, Luongo carried the defense for this team.

8.  Not Poodle!!! (6) – One Move Matt made one move this week, like clockwork, on Sunday evening.

9.  Sultan HC (4) – Could have won this weak, but the Capitals got shut out, and herein lies the weakness to this team.

10.  Me So Vyborny (11) – Barely beat the worst team in the league, but a win is still a win.  Brodeur is back, Hossa is back soon, and Crawford will be sitting on the bench doing nothing for this team.

11.  Texans (9) – Injuries continue to plague this team…y’all come back real soon to the roster, y’all hear?

12.  Kanucks (12) – I am betting that when GM Dave Kitchen went to Vegas this weekend he did not place a bet in the sportsbook for this team to win the Anze Cup this year.

13.  Bizzarohawks (13) – How did this team’s week go?  This sums it up pretty much.

18.  Everett Silvertips (17) – Clearly this team is in rebuild mode, which is sad considering the season is only 2 months in.  I think the look on Rick DiPietro’s face Saturday night sums up how GM Court Watson feels.

Quote of the week come from Steve McIntyre at a two thirds Commissioner weekend:

“I felt bad for Jesse on Tuuka Rask (begin silent hysterical laugh now).”

Rejected trade of the week:

Offered:

Niclas Bergfors and a 4th round

Asking:

Corey Crawford and a 2nd round

Jesse will pay more.

Power Rankings: Week 8

Who cares about fantasy hockey when HBO is doing a hockey documentary?

Preview to 24/7 Pens/Caps: Road to the NHL Winter Classic

I guess we can take a look at the power rankings if you are gay and don’ t wanna watch the video above.

1. Jesse Loves Paymon (Previous: 5) – As I pointed out last week, this team is the team to beat. Heading into this week this team had the number one offense and the fourth ranked goaltending. This was another week of very solid play, despite a lackluster performance from Joe Thornton. Look for this team to separate further from the pack in the coming week as GM Steve McIntyre will take pleasure in kicking the shit out of his brother-in-law’s team.

2. Captain Chinese (1) – Has the fact that they are being lead by a Cambodian GM finally started to takes it toll on this team? Got thumped this week and it was due to a lack of offense. The loss of Patrick Kane could be a serious issue. Everyone is interested to see what player near retirement GM Bert Fong will pick up to fix the issue.

3. Super Sperm (4) – Solid win this week by keeper Phil Kessel and crew. I don’t quite understand the Johan Hedberg acquisition since the Devils only play twice this week and Brodeur is back practicing with the team, but I also don’t understand why keeper Phil Kessel is a keeper and why goalies in this format aren’t keepers. So I guess I will just watch with no interest.

4. Sultan HC (6) – Offense was slow, but goaltenders carried this team to victory. A good win to show this team might not be as one dimensional as you might think (though it probably is).

5. Malkin in the Middle (7) – Umm, Sidney Crosby is ok. This team needs help in net though.

6. Not Poodle!!! (2) – Had just over half the points this team had two weeks ago against the Everett Silvertips. This team is quickly becoming one dimensional with the offense hiding weak goaltending. When the offense isn’t there, this team loses.

7. Pistol’s Hellcats (9) – Strong offense covered for awful goaltending. Shockingly, Steve Mason’s 5.20 GAA and .833 SV% put him on the trading block. Wonder what GM Pete Shpak thinks he will get for those numbers. Probably a load in his face.

8. Anzoolander (11) – Has had two big wins back to back against conference leaders. Solid performance all around but needs another goaltender that can be consistent.

9. Texans (3) – Injuries are beginning to plague this team, as the dominating performance against the Everett Silvertips three weeks ago is becoming a distant memory.

10. This Space for Rent $5 (10) – A team barely above .500 played like a team barely above .500. Had one solid player this week, a player that has to play well since GM Mike Gaunt leveraged the team’s future for him.

11. Me So Vyborny (8) – With Marian Hossa, Steve Downie, and Martin Brodeur out, this team is struggling, bad. This Tim Thomas save was above average.

12. Kanucks (13) – This team sucks only fractionally less than before, but it was enough to move up.

13. Bizzarohawks (12) – Has given up (understandably) on Ilya Kovalchuk. Other than Marc-Andre Fleury, not much is going right for this team.

17. Everett Silvertips (16) – Another week, another loss. Took a flyer on Ilya Kovalchuk and dealt away the best player on the team in the hopes of boosting this team. At this point, this team is too far gone and is beyond repair.

Quote of the week come from Jesse Cook on approving the Kovalchuk-Spezza trade:

“Sure. You still suck Court.”

Very true.

Rejected trade of the week:

Offered: Free real estate services

Asking: Danish clogs with three inch thick soles

Learn to live with your height, Pistol.