With the draft looming, now is as good a time as any to re-introduce the teams and general managers in Puck You! Lets get right to it, starting with the worst team from last season.
Not Poodle!!! – Followed up a 4th place finish where GM Matt Welsh didn’t try with a last place finish where he kinda tried. Has taken two years to figure out how to place players on IR, and with his attempt to pay for the league in Canadian currency, odds are he still won’t be able to figure out. Got married and bought a dog in the past year, but is still no fun.
Kanucks – Hideous performance last season proves without question that Crossfit is pointless, demonstrating that GM Dave Kitchen’s training regimen has no effect. I guess his finish makes sense when you watch this Crossfit video:
Jesse Loves Paymon – Two years of piss poor performance has done nothing but increase GM Steve McIntyre’s whining. Basically, he is the T.O. of fantasy hockey GMs.
Captain Chinese – Has yet to be a threat since Bert Fong took over as manager. Word is Bert is considering eye surgery in attempt to read the power rankings correctly. Camel Toews GM Jesse Cook made a not so bold prediction, proclaiming that “by this time tonight, Bert will have drafted himself out of contention.”
Malkin in the Middle – Many ups and downs in GM Dave Dugan’s freshman campaign, it will be interesting to see how he bounce back from a summer that included a visit to Cleveland, a bad baseball team and a rapist.
Suck It Watson – Barely missed the playoffs his freshman year, but with newly born twins, don’t expect GM Ryan Schauble to improve, even with the #1 draft pick.
Ottawa HC – After years of dominance, GM Court Watson could barely muster a fight from his team and was knocked out easily in the first round of last year’s playoffs. Layoffs and new clients have increased his workload, giving him less time to look at time wasting stuff such as fantasy hockey mock drafts. Will be interesting to see if last year was a hiccup in a dynasty or the end of an era.
Camel Toews – A much improved sophomore campaign by GM Jesse Cook, despite an absolutely hilarious goat anus of a fuck up during last year’s draft. GM Jesse Cook was quick to identify the problem, revealing that “once I stopped letting Paymon blow it in my face, I stopped going blind from his throat yogurt in my eye and was able to see who I was actually drafting.” So there.
Sultan HC – Dominated the season only to be the upset of the millennia, ousted in the first round. GM Cole Ballard is a Seahawks fan, Sonics fan, Mariners fan, Capitals fan, and Silvertips fan, so he is used to failure. Cole’s campaign slogan for 2010-11? “Go Storm.”
Bizarrohawks – Ninja like campaign making the conference finals last season, GM Scott Freeland welcomes baby boy Shinobi into the world this summer, which means we should expect to hear even less from him, and his surprise attacks will be even more surprising.
This space 4 rent $5 – The Borg’s manager GM Mike Gaunt followed up a championship season with a near miss last year. This year, GM Mike Gaunt has a new target in his sites due to the change to a keeper league. His name is Steven Stamkos.
Texans – Hell of a rookie campaign, losing on a tie breaker in the closest final in Puck You! league’s prestigious history. Will be interesting to see how this team handles a move into the historically strong Clarence Campbell Conference. GM Chris Thomas is has a title run in his sites after spending a year in Canada and hearing nothing but hockey leading up to this year’s draft. Ever the vain GM, Thomas had two words regarding his first pick…”Zach Parise.”
Let the games begin gentlemen.
