Power Rankings: Week 15

If you click on the advertisement at the right of this column, the fantasy gods will shower you with role players careering it through the rest of the season.

If there was ever a season that clearly showed you are never guaranteed a playoff spot, nor do you have no shot at making it, this is it. There have been some dramatic reversals of fortune in this league and I am willing to bet the teams that are most active prior to the trade deadline will be in the hunt for the Anze Cup come the spring. Let’s take a look at the teams and how they rank this week.

1. Everett Silvertips (2) – I doubt this will last, this team caught the plague of injuries from being so close to Crosby’s Concussions all week long. Says GM Court Watson of the voodoo curse of being placed #1 in the power rankings, “oh shit….”

2. Flowers in the Cage (3) – Hoping nobody really notices, this team is creeping up into a playoff spot, and doing it by beating 3 of the top 4 teams in the league (in standings, not in power rankings). Teetering on the edge of the playoff picture with a soft schedule, this team could easily see an Anze Cup finals appearance if they get hot. Annnnnnddddd there is the jinx.

3. Kanucks (4) – Players slowly coming back off IR has benefited this team that is poised to make a run down the stretch. Only thing between this team and certain victory is their GM.

Sidenote: ask his father-in-law about Dave’s fantasy hockey skills; you will learn where Steve gets his silent laugh from.

4. Jesse Loves Paymon (7) – And just like that, this team is in the current playoff picture. The benefactor of playing teams decimated by injuries to be sure, but the performances were still marginally strong, and strong enough to move from last to in the hunt.

5. Clarence Swampton (9) – The hottest team in the league…be afraid.

6. Not Poodle (13.b) – I don’t really care what I rank the teams between 6 and 13, they are all equally close to as bad as 14.

7. Super Sperm (13.a) – Blames his team on his kids..what a loser.

8. Bizzarohawks (8) – Back to losing. To the last place team (cue the sound they play when you lose in the Price is Right, and the crowd groaning).

9. Captain Chinese (6) – You suck Bert. Your team sucks. You also suck. How did those moves last week work out for you?

10. Anzoolander (Previous: 1) – Decimated by injuries, and not nice ones. The curse of #1 in the power rankings is still going strong.

11. Texans (10) – I can’t remember the last time I looked at this team, it just baffles me they aren’t better.

12. Me So Vyborny (5) – Wheels are not flying off for this team, they are exploding, just like those tires that used to be on Ford Trucks. Has lost 7 of the last 8 weeks including the past 6 straight. Here is a tip to GM Matt Meier: if you want to passively manage something, get a retirement fund.

13. Crosby’s Concussions (13.c) – Does a picture better define a team in this league than this one?

14. Pistol Hellcats (14) – Hahahaha, look at this roster; a bunch of sell highs that have cooled off (Smyth, Weiss, Michalek) and a bunch of sell highs now before they suck balls again return to historic means (Gustavsson, Bertuzzi, Williams, Bolland, Cole). Of course GM Pete Shpak sold Daniel Sedin when he was high for low, which made everyone laugh. Meanwhile, Peter Mueller is like a golfer with a new driver and everything is sweet; until his brain turns to Jell-O again from a faint breeze hitting him.

New Rule Change

With a vote of 8-5 for, the rookie rule has passed and will be effective for the upcoming (2012-13) season. Keep this in mind; if you trade away your fourth pick, you don’t get to keep a rookie. If you have two fourth picks, you only get to keep one rookie. Also, you don’t have to keep a rookie if you don’t want to.

JM