2014-2015 League Changes

Hello all!  The Commissioner’s meeting finally happened (about goddamn time) and there are a couple of changes that are being put in place this year.  One not so impactful, the other one is a pretty big change that will impact your strategery.

League Fees

On a unanimous vote, the commissioners decided to increase league fees to $60.  The fees currently do not represent the prestige and exclusivity of such a fine league, and an increase gets us closer to the right amount.

Lineup additions

On a 2-1 vote, the commissioners decided to increase the number of roster active lineup spots by two, adding two more d-man positions.  This allows for team starting rosters to better reflect two full lines of a real hockey team (not considering utility).  As a result, the total roster size will also increase by two.

Keeper changes

The commissioners discussed whether adding two more roster spots for additional d-men warranted adding an additional d-man specific keeper spot effective AFTER this upcoming season, changing the total keepers to a potential of 8 (6 regular keepers, one d-man keeper and one rookie keeper).  By a vote of 2-1 the commissioners voted NOT to adjust keeper settings.

Other than calling each other cock gobblers, nothing else happened in the meeting.  Steve McIntyre or Jesse Loves Paymon did guarantee victory every time his team plays Anzoolander, but that is pretty much it.

Feel free to comment on changes below; I assure you the commissioners don’t care what you think.  Especially you Schauble.

Power Rankings: Week 15

If you click on the advertisement at the right of this column, the fantasy gods will shower you with role players careering it through the rest of the season.

If there was ever a season that clearly showed you are never guaranteed a playoff spot, nor do you have no shot at making it, this is it. There have been some dramatic reversals of fortune in this league and I am willing to bet the teams that are most active prior to the trade deadline will be in the hunt for the Anze Cup come the spring. Let’s take a look at the teams and how they rank this week.

1. Everett Silvertips (2) – I doubt this will last, this team caught the plague of injuries from being so close to Crosby’s Concussions all week long. Says GM Court Watson of the voodoo curse of being placed #1 in the power rankings, “oh shit….”

2. Flowers in the Cage (3) – Hoping nobody really notices, this team is creeping up into a playoff spot, and doing it by beating 3 of the top 4 teams in the league (in standings, not in power rankings). Teetering on the edge of the playoff picture with a soft schedule, this team could easily see an Anze Cup finals appearance if they get hot. Annnnnnddddd there is the jinx.

3. Kanucks (4) – Players slowly coming back off IR has benefited this team that is poised to make a run down the stretch. Only thing between this team and certain victory is their GM.

Sidenote: ask his father-in-law about Dave’s fantasy hockey skills; you will learn where Steve gets his silent laugh from.

4. Jesse Loves Paymon (7) – And just like that, this team is in the current playoff picture. The benefactor of playing teams decimated by injuries to be sure, but the performances were still marginally strong, and strong enough to move from last to in the hunt.

5. Clarence Swampton (9) – The hottest team in the league…be afraid.

6. Not Poodle (13.b) – I don’t really care what I rank the teams between 6 and 13, they are all equally close to as bad as 14.

7. Super Sperm (13.a) – Blames his team on his kids..what a loser.

8. Bizzarohawks (8) – Back to losing. To the last place team (cue the sound they play when you lose in the Price is Right, and the crowd groaning).

9. Captain Chinese (6) – You suck Bert. Your team sucks. You also suck. How did those moves last week work out for you?

10. Anzoolander (Previous: 1) – Decimated by injuries, and not nice ones. The curse of #1 in the power rankings is still going strong.

11. Texans (10) – I can’t remember the last time I looked at this team, it just baffles me they aren’t better.

12. Me So Vyborny (5) – Wheels are not flying off for this team, they are exploding, just like those tires that used to be on Ford Trucks. Has lost 7 of the last 8 weeks including the past 6 straight. Here is a tip to GM Matt Meier: if you want to passively manage something, get a retirement fund.

13. Crosby’s Concussions (13.c) – Does a picture better define a team in this league than this one?

14. Pistol Hellcats (14) – Hahahaha, look at this roster; a bunch of sell highs that have cooled off (Smyth, Weiss, Michalek) and a bunch of sell highs now before they suck balls again return to historic means (Gustavsson, Bertuzzi, Williams, Bolland, Cole). Of course GM Pete Shpak sold Daniel Sedin when he was high for low, which made everyone laugh. Meanwhile, Peter Mueller is like a golfer with a new driver and everything is sweet; until his brain turns to Jell-O again from a faint breeze hitting him.

New Rule Change

With a vote of 8-5 for, the rookie rule has passed and will be effective for the upcoming (2012-13) season. Keep this in mind; if you trade away your fourth pick, you don’t get to keep a rookie. If you have two fourth picks, you only get to keep one rookie. Also, you don’t have to keep a rookie if you don’t want to.

JM

Power Rankings: Week 14

If you click on the advertisement at the right of this column, the fantasy gods will shower you with short handed points.

1.  Anzoolander (Previous: 1) – Offense is churning while goaltending is starting to heat up.  Injuries are starting to be concern, as this team has picked up players GM Jesse Cook used to laugh at (“Benoit Pouliot…LOL, you suck Court”).  Toughest decision this team faces on a weekly basis is to start the Wall or Jaroslav Halak.  I think based on the nicknames alone, that decision is super easy.

2.  Everett Silvertips (2) – First in goaltending, third in offense, young, and relatively unscathed by the injury bug as this team heads into the weaker side of the schedule.  This team has all the makings of a President’s Trophy and the shitty side of a first round upset against….

3. Flowers in the Cage (7) – That’s right!  This team dealt Everett Silvertips just their third loss of the year thanks to some timely PIMs by James Neal (is there any question he is more valuable when Crosby is hurt)?  This team has quietly put up a strong showing since the halfway point, going 42-35 and moving within 8 points of a playoff spot.  Additionally, this team has leapfrogged over 5 teams when looking at average ranking in all league scoring categories.  This week will be a good barometer of future successes.  Congratulations GM Cole Ballard, on winning the Lucky Lager (I wish they were on sponsor) Team of the Week this week .

4. Kanucks (4) – If the top teams right below this one didn’t look so goddamn awful, I would have put the Cuntfaces Kanucks lower.  Needed a miraculous night from a player to tie a team currently not even in the playoffs is sad.

5.  Me So Vyborny (3) – Way to must 6 points last week.  Any team that can only put up six points with ten players over 20 or so hockey games should never be considered good.  Ever.  Use your IR roster spot and pick up someone or something to make up for Sharp hurting his back carrying this sorry bunch.

6.  Captain Chinese (5) – You suck Bert.  Your team sucks.  You also suck.  Congratulations on a new baby boy, who is already better at fantasy hockey than you.  Those free agency moves are totally not an absurd over reactionary move after getting rocked…it is almost like you are the U.S. Government.

7. Jesse Loves Paymon (10) – Quietly moving in the right direction, only losing once since week 10 and only by one category.  Big matchup this weekend against Anzoolander, in which JLP GM Steve McIntyre prophesized, “(Jesse Cook) is going down faster than (he) does on Paymon.”  That was pretty good, but not as good as Mr. Cook’s response; “Steve is pregnant with Paymon’s child.”  Looking at Steve, I am guessing he is at 28 weeks or so.  In all seriousness, did you know your brother-in-law owns an aerobic studio?  Also, good look on picking up and starting Ryan Suter.

8. Bizzarohawks (11) – A win!  A win!  Hopefully this stops the downward spiral.

9. Clarence Swampton (8) – You don’t move up for beating a team that has more people hurt than healthy.

10. Texans (7) – This is what is supposed to happen every week for this team.  Let’s see them do it against a better team, but I am not counting this team out.

13.a. Super Sperm (12) – Awful.  You suck.

13.b. Not Poodle (9) – So do you.

13.c.  Crosby’s Concussions (9) – At what point does GM Dave Dugan realize d-men are virtually worthless when compared to each other, are interchangeable and drops the four he has filling up his roster that don’t play a single game?

14.  Pistol Hellcats (14) – Dropped out of the top three in offense for the first time since week 7, and fell even further behind the team in front of him in goaltending categories.  The slide into withdrawal and depression as a result of receiving a hard trade rape has already begun.  I made a deal with GM Pete Shpak to only pick on teams that are at the bottom of the league, which is an odd deal for him to propose since he is right there.  What an idoit idiot, Pete.

Proposed Rule Change

As Super Sperm sucks something mighty and are obviously not going to make an impact the rest of this season, GM Ryan Schauble proposed a new rule, “The Rookie Rule” that the league will be voting on to implement next year.

The rule is pretty simple.  Each team, at the end of the season, may designate a player who will be a rookie going into next year or has just completed their rookie season in the NHL.  If a team choses to designate a player as such, they will be allowed to keep a seventh player but will forfeit their fourth round draft pick in the 2012-13 draft (and third round draft pick in 2013-14 and beyond).  This rule can be beneficial if you have someone like Tyler Seguin of last year, where his performance last year was poor, but the potential was there.

Some of you, especially those in the United States, might wonder what signifies a player’s “rookie year” as in the NHL, the first year you play might not actually constitute a rookie season. 

The NHL’s definition of a rookie is a player who has not played 25 games in any single preceding season nor six or more games in each of any two preceding seasons in any major professional league.  Also, the player must not be older than 26 years before September 15 of the season in question.

So, as an example, if Anzoolander wanted to keep Adam Henrique, who is in his first season in the NHL and has played over 25 games, GM Jesse Cook could implement the Rookie Rule for next season, but after that, he would have to use one of his six keeper spots for Henrique.  If another team were to pick up someone like Jonathan Huberdeau, who was drafted the same year of Henrique but currently in the minors, they could use the Rookie Rule for Huberdeau not only after this season but every season until he loses his status as  Rookie.  Make sense?  Of course it does.

Now for a league vote.  Please submit whether you are for or against the Rookie Rule to puckyourself at live dot com as soon as possible.

JM