In honor of teams being eliminated from the playoffs, I present to you the second in a series of eulogies for those teams, as written by a peer. Here, Everett Silvertips GM Court Watson pays his respects to 3rd and Luongo to go.
3rd and Luongo to go – RIP 2015
These eulogies are about real people losing real things. But how can you do a eulogy for a team run by this….thing:
This team is basically on auto pilot; every week, the line combination with the most games played is started. Never respond to trade offers, never respond to banter, auto post a random league comment to convince us the team is not run by the Borg. Somehow, with that strategy, this team made the playoffs. Which means almost half the league did worse than an idiot simple formula. Actually, when I put it that way, surprised this team didn’t do better.
This really isn’t a eulogy in my mind, it is a celebration of the fact that some real humans can beat the machine. A few years ago, that wasn’t as certain, as this team made the Anze Cup finals. Can you imagine that? If this team had won, what would even be the point in playing?
Somewhere deep inside that machination above is GM Mike Gaunt, who is really only in the league so he has something to do between the NFL and MLB seasons, because NASCAR and the PGA Tour are only half the week, and his fantasy NBA team is looked at in the morning. So basically, he is a compulsive gambler. I applaud his style, and his propensity towards minority NHL players. It helps the rest of us feel like silicon valley millionaire liberal elitists with free consciences. Keep it up. I look forward to how much you will over value Roberto Luongo next year.
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