The Semifinals

If we could make the league playoff format like the NHL, I would, just to call this the Conference Finals, because the Semifinals sounds like something from Court’s house league soccer days.

Last week’s predictions – 3-1

In case you missed last week, you really didn’t miss much.  The teams that were terrible and slipped in solely because better teams fought injuries all year were absolutely embarrassed in the first round.  I mean like Hugh Grant with a male hooker embarrassed.  Terrible.

In a reversal of every year in this league prior to this one, we have three teams from the Prince of Wales conference left and one team from the Clarence Campbell conference.  When I look at the two matchups, I see parallels to this year’s NFL playoffs, where one side is actually the real Super Bowl, and the other is just a side show.

1. Super Sperm vs. 4. Anzoolander – Like the Seattle Seahawks versus the San Francisco fucktards 49ers, this is the real championship in my mind.  Both teams are stacked, and both have the same weakness; terribly suspect goaltending.  Anzoolander is easily the hotter team over the past couple of weeks, with the return of steroid Stamkos and the emergence of Gustav Nyquist (side note: his current pace is not sustainable, but he only needs to keep going a little longer).  When If Anzoolander wins the Anze Cup, will this be like the San Francisco Giants winning with Barry Bonds?  Will there be an asterisk beside this title?  You can’t help the lingering feeling of doubt when someone has their leg severed at the hip comes back twice as fast as the expected recovery time was.  Something just doesn’t seem right, like cheater Adrian Peterson in the NFL.

Prediction:  Jesse Cook and Team Balco move on as Sean Stock’s absolutely horrible goaltending selection this week gets laughed off the ice, 7-4.

3.  Pistol’s Hellcats vs. 2. Blackhawks – This match is an afterthought really, when compared to the first match, with the Blackhawks slipping in on blind luck.  I fail to see a team whose best offensive player is a d-man moving on, but when the team you are playing is so mediocre, who the hell knows what will happen.

Prediction:  Blackhawks continue their sheer fluke path to the Anze Cup, and somehow Edward Lack is a deciding in determining who will be this year’s Anze Cup Champion.  Blackhawks win 6-5.

Godspeed gentlemen.  You too, Pistol.