It All Comes Down to This

Here we are.  The Anze Cup Finals.  The holy grail of fantasy sports.  Coveted by all, obtained by so few.  Last week saw a shocking turn of events, with the Blackhawks looking like they were in the finals as we went to bed Sunday night (some of us, named Jesse, with Paymon) only to have a STAT CORRECTION CHANGE A MATCH SO DRAMATICALLY THAT PISTOL’S HELLCATS MADE THE FINALS.  I don’t know about anyone else, but the first thing I thought when I saw on Monday that Blackhawks had been eliminated was “holy shit.”

Which brings us to a conversation had between two GMs in this league on March 19, 2014;

Pete Shpak:  Stop the league, I win.

Court Watson:  I think Cook will win actually.  Did they have enough booster seats at the restaurant so that you were able to get one and sit at the same height as normal sized people?

And now, here we are, Anzoolander versus Pistol Hellcats.  Jesse Cook versus the guy who has hero-worshipped Cook since he first gazed at Cook’s massive chin at the Boathouse, Pete Shpak.   Let’s take a look at the matchup:

3.  Pistol’s Hellcats vs. 4.  Anzoolander – The Hellcat’s snuck into the finals by the skin of their teeth, and really didn’t have a significant challenge on the road to the Cup.  Anzoolander had what was expected to be a battle this past week, but a dominating performance coupled with some managerial mistakes by Super Sperm made for a bit of a yawner.    Due to the Hellcat’s not expecting to be in the finals, they failed to make a roster change, which was moving their hottest player into the active roster.  This could be key, as the Hellcat’s offense was asleep last week.  That, coupled with an active roster spot being used on a player sitting out the remainder of the season, and absolutely terrible goaltenders, makes Pistol’s Hellcats the heavy underdog in this matchup.  

When you look at this matchup in detail, the first thing that jumps out at you is that the Hellcats have no players whose teams are on the playoff bubble and will be playing with wild abandon to make the playoffs.  On the other hand, Columbus, Dallas and Detroit are all fighting for the last playoff spots in their conferences, and Anzoolander has 4 active players from those teams.  In my mind, that will be the difference maker, and that will push Anzoolander and GM Jesse Cook into immortality as an Anze Cup Champion.  That, and his team is way more talented than Pistol’s Hellcats.

Prediction:  Anzoolander loses its Anze Cup virginity the right way, with a win, and Pistol Hellcat’s goes home after being abused for a sloppy second time.  Anzoolander wins, 8-4.  But don’t worry, the shrine with Jesse, with voodoo dolls and all, will still go up at Pete’s new place at Canvas by Omni (it was a non-negotiable part of his recent engagement, from what I am told).

Good luck gentlemen, and god speed.

JM