Here is Anzoolander GM Jesse Cook and his eulogy for Captain Chinese.
This was Captain Chinese GM Bert Fong having a gay old time as the last minute of Overtime in the LA/Dallas game took place.
The Fantasy Hockey Gods would not allow a team with so little talent that was so poorly mismanaged to make the Anze Cup Final, and they allowed Jeff Carter to tip in a Mike Richards pass. Boom. Roasted. Season. Over.
There are some very bad players on this team, but to Captain Chinese’s credit, his goaltending was fairly consistent. Optimus Reim was a pleasant surprise, and as Carey Price was starting to stink as bad as Steve McIntyre’s dance moves, Brian “The Wall” Elliot was, well, “The Wall.” The #1 ranked player in the past 14 days, and #4 ranked in the past 30 days, “The Wall” once again showed why he is the single greatest goalie of all-time. With the spot light on “The Wall” Captain Chinese actually had a chance.
It will be interesting to see what Captain Chinese does in the off-season besides adopting dogs at the SPCA only to eventually eat them. As it relates to Fantasy Hockey, outside of “The Wall,” Captain Chinese has no keepers. Maybe Jesse Loves Paymon GM Steve McIntyre can trade Bert one of his 7-8 keepers (this was an email Steve sent that made me simultaneously puke, cry, laugh, piss and shit myself).
While 3-4 teams should be forced to fold as they are an embarrassment to the league itself, somehow Captain Chinese and “The Wall” will soldier on. Bert will leave us scratching our heads with the rationale behind his trade technique, waiver wire moves and limited math skills that will have us question…is he really Chinese? There are a few of us who have showered with him after beer league hockey, and we can verify that yes, he willy is Chinese.
See you next season, Captain Chinese, your Fantasy Hockey season is over!
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