How has your summer been? From what I hear, everyone has been busy, usually as a result of their stupid mistakes (drinking, marriage, kids, home ownership). I am really excited to hear all about it.1
Alright, first things first; awards voting! Every year, we award three awards to well deserving recipients. Lets revisit each of the awards and what they represent.
Jack Adams award – awarded annually to the fantasy hockey general manager adjudged to have contributed the most to his team’s success
Eugene Adams award – awarded annually to the fantasy hockey general manager adjudged to have contributed the most to his team’s failure
Andy Kordyban award – awarded annually the to the fantasy hockey general manager adjudged to be the biggest clown. Named after this clown:
 |
| The Uniduke |
Jack Adams award: Luke Mackinnon, Jesse Cook and Court Watson - The two teams in the Anze Cup Finals last year, and the team that went from out of the playoffs to third place. Luke took over the team early in the season and turned it into an instant contender, though that may have been the result of being new and therefore being able to fuck the shit out of Bert Fong over and over in a series of trades (He traded away Max Pacioretty and in return received Max Pacioretty and Ryan Getzlaf...what the fuck?!?!?). So maybe it was a fluke. Mr. Cook did a fine job last season in his first Anze Cup win, but leveraged his team's future significantly in the process, will be interesting to see what he will do. Court is just here because I needed three. He sucks and deserves no votes, (and neither does anyone else in the league).
Eugene Adams award: Bert Fong, Dave Kitchen and Matt Welsh - Perennially and consistently, the worst three teams in the league. In standings, in roster management, in trades, in playing hurt players, in life, in everything. Somehow amazingly, all three made the playoffs in 2011-12. Since then, now they are known as Tres Descansos Semanales.2
Andy Kordyban award: Jesse Cook, Luke Mackinnon, and Matt Welsh. Spends an inordinate amount of time on fantasy hockey, vocal, bit of a loudmouth know-it-all but still funny, ultimately fucks things up. Gotta admit, got a bit nostalgic when Luke joined this league, almost thought Kordyban was with us. God bless him.
Get your votes in on the side bar at right.
Now onto the draft. We need to pick a date. This is arguably my favorite part of the season. The complaining, the accusations, the basic dumbfuckery. Some people don't want weekends, some people don't want weekdays. Some people want earlier, some people want later. Some people are on the east coast, some people aren't. No time is perfect, suck it up. With that in mind, Here are some dates I am throwing out there:
Thursday, September 17 at 8:30 PM PST/11:30 PM EST
Friday, September 18 at 9 PM PST/12:00 AM EST
Wednesday, September 30 at 8:30 PM PST/11:30 PM EST
Saturday, October 3 at 1:30 PM PST/4:30 PM EST
PLEASE RESPOND VIA EMAIL WHAT YOUR PREFERENCE IS, IN ORDER. DO NOT SEND ME ONE DATE. For example. Here is an actual email from a moron:
"18th works"
Here is an email from a value added member of society:
"1. 18th, 2. 17th, 3. 30th, 4. 3rd. Headed to college football game on the 3rd, so I would miss"
Inevitably, someone will miss the draft. Unless they are a winner, like Jesse, who managed to do the draft WHILE ATTENDING THE BALLET. If he can do it then, you can do it while doing whatever the fuck you are doing. I don't get paid enough to deal with your shit about the draft times not being to your liking, so save it.3
I await all your responses. Also, you may see your roster from the end of last year. It will be updated over next week or so to reflect trades in the offseason. Be patient. Again, I don't get paid enough.4
Let's get this season rolling. Put the women and children to bed, and lets go hunting for dinner. At Jack In the Box, preferably. And don't kill a famous lion; makes life awkward.
JM
1 I couldn't care less↩
2 Three Weekly Byes (I think)↩
3 I get paid nothing. FML.↩
4 Still nothing. Still FML.↩
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