Where the Air is Crisp

Only four teams remain as we enter the semifinals.  As a testament to how difficult it is to get here we only need to compare the four teams to last year.  Only one team from last year’s final four made the final four this year, and the other three didn’t even make the playoffs at all last year.   Congrats gentlemen on making it this far and elevating yourselves above all others, where the air is crisp.

Let us look back on the first round matchups, on which my predictions where 2-2, though just barely, and were almost 4-0

1. Everett Silvertips vs. 8. Jesse Loves Paymon

Steve giving some tips to his team before the games on Sunday

I predicted an upset, and if GM Steve McIntyre wasn’t the biggest idiot on the planet, that probably would have happened.  Leaving an empty starting roster spot is inexcusable, which is totally supported by Steve’s idiotic excuse;

“I was on vacation.”

This is an idiotic excuse for multiple reasons.  First, being on vacation means you have even more time to look at this while you drink your beverage of choice each evening (with Steve, I am guessing rye and Coke Zero).  Second, Steve owns a smartphone, and a smartphone built for idiots, so he could have set his lineup on his phone.  Third, he picked up a player to put in the roster spot while on vacation, which means he did actually have time, he was just an idiot.  Jussi Jokinen tore it up on Sunday, and his numbers would have given JLP the victory.  Instead, Steve is an idiot and the clear, CLEAR, front runner for the Eugene Adams award.

Somewhere, right now, Jesse Cook is thanking his lucky stars that his drafting Jimmy Howard on accident in the first round is being replaced as the stupidest move in this league’s history.

2. Kanucks vs. 7. Anzoolander

Really nothing to see here, other than I was off a tad; I predicted 10-4, it was 9-4.  Kanucks are still on fire and the clear front runner.  GM Jesse Cook failed to get out of the first round yet again, making it three years in a row.  I would recommend he change his team name to Zoolechkin, as it is probably better to compare himself to a loud-mouthed show-boater who can’t clutch up in the playoffs, versus a phenom who lets his play do all the talking.

3. Pistol’s Hellcats vs. 6. Bizarrohawks

I said this match would be close and Pistol’s Hellcats would come back to win on Sunday.  They didn’t.  Shitty goaltending let Pistol’s Hellcasts down.  With 17 seconds left in the final game for players on either team, and a tie score (with Pistol’s Hellcat’s holding the second tie breaker), David Legwand scored an empty net power play goal, and Pistol Hellcat’s fantasy season came to an end similar to how Taylor Hall’s actual season did:

Buh bye.

See you next year Pistol Taylor.

4. Clarence Swampton vs. 5. Flowers in the Cage

Another one I got right, Keeper Luongo failed miserably, and so did Clarence Swampton.  Ironically, a shutout by the Flower against Philly on the last day would have eliminated Flowers in the Cage, but that didn’t happen.  The hotter team prevailed.

Let us now turn the the similar finals on the road to the Anze Cup.

1. Everett Silvertips vs. 6. Bizzarohawks (Season series: 20-6 for the Everett Silvertips)

Bizzarohawks are hot, but I don’t think they are hot enough.  Everett Silvertips led the league in scoring during the quarterfinals without real contributions from two key players, Tyler Seguin and Ilya Kovalchuk, and an injury to another, Taylor Hall.  Any life from either of those three makes this team hard to beat, and the Bizzarohawks goaltending has been suspect as of late.  It was good enough to win last week against a team with awful goaltending (Re: Jimmy’s Journey), but Mike Smith will have to step it up this week.

Prediction:  Like all playoff matches, this will be close, but the Silvertips advance, winning 8-5-3

2.  Kanucks vs. 5. Flowers in the Cage (Season series: 10-3 for Flowers in the Cage)

I was going to do a write up, but then was surprised how easy it was to find a video of a lamb being slaughtered, so I just linked to that:

Lamb = Flowers in the Cage

Prediction:  Kanucks keep steamrolling into the Anze Cup finals, 10-2-4.

Good luck gentlemen.