So It Begins

Why we are here.

 

We have four new teams this year in the playoffs, and the teams that won their conferences last year finished dead last and second dead last.  To those that made it, congratulations.  To those that did not.  You suck.  Seriously.  You are bad.  Let’s looks at the first round matchups.

1.  Everett Silvertips vs. 8. Jesse Loves Paymon (Season Series: 16-10 for the Everett Silvertips)

Everett Silvertips come in fresh off claiming the President’s Trophy while Jesse Loves Paymon sneaks in losing three of the last five weeks and with 8 players either DTD or on IR.  There are only five statistical categories that Jesse Loves Paymon outperformed the Everett Silvertips in this year.  Everything points to a certain first round victory for the Everett Silvertips, except for the curse of the dead presidents.  Yes, I just made that up.

The last time the President’s Trophy winner won this league was 2005.  The last time the President’s Trophy winner got out of the first round alive was 2008, and that was because it was a bye (though later, Everett Silvertips’ GM Court Watson’s old franchise, Ottawa HC would lose in the final).  There is no reason, besides logic, which means nothing, to assume it won’t happen again.

Prediction:  JLP moves on in a Cinderella victory, 7-6-3.

2.  Kanucks vs. 7. Anzoolander (Season Series: 18-9 for the Kanucks)

If anyone witnessed what happened this week, the Kanucks put up arguably the best single week performance in the season, if not in league history.  They are firing on all cylinders like the 2007 New England Patriots, and Anzoolander is going to have to come out firing to keep up.  It looks like Jonathan Toews may come back just in time to tee it up with the rest of Anzoolander after this coming week. 

Prediction:  Kanucks continue the torrid pace and are the clear Anze Cup favorite, winning handily 10-4-2.

3.  Pistol’s Hellcats vs. 8.  Bizarrohawks (Season Series: 13-13)

This will be an interesting matchup and the winner will almost assuredly be decided by goaltending, with each team struggling in that area as of late.  Big concern for Pistol’s Hellcats is that they may live and die by the Ottawa Senators.  A slow week, and the offense might struggle.  This will be an interesting matchup to watch, as the winner is a toss up and either team can make a long run in the playoffs.  In the end, I think I like Pistol’s Hellcats’ goaltending better, and they move on to the next round.

Prediction:  Pistol’s Hellcats come back on Sunday to win 8-5-3.

4.  Clarence Swampton vs. 5.  Flowers in the Cage (Season Series: 15-12 for Clarence Swampton)

It is the the real life Flower in the cage versus the team Flowers in the Cage.   Their teams line up eerily similar, even down to the pair of French-Canadian goalies.  Flowers in the Cage in the hotter team, and I like them to move on in this matchup.

Prediction:  Martin Brodeur finally fucks Clarence Swampton, and Flowers in the Cage moves on 9-3-4.

If anyone has any questions of tie breakers or reseeding, don’t waste your time asking me, I have no fucking idea.  Good luck gentlemen.