Playoff Eulogy: Pistol’s Hellcats

In honor of teams being eliminated from the playoffs, I present to you the first in a series of eulogies for those teams, as written by a peer.  Up first, Anzoolander GM Jesse Cook pays his respects to Pistol’s Hellcats.

Pistol's Hellcats - RIP 2015

Last year’s Anze Cup Champion, Pistol's Hellcats, bowed out in the first round of this years Anze Cup Playoffs due to a horrific display of goaltending. Though Pistol's Hellcats felt they had the best goalies in the league hands down...well...you clearly didn’t.

Filled with a roster full of has-beens and overrated bums, it was impressive that Pistol's Hellcats made the playoffs. Even more shocking was this squad vying for the President's Trophy until shitting the bed against the worst team in fantasy hockey history, the ChingChong BingBongs, the last week of the season. It was probably God's way of saying to the GM "why are you getting married you stupid fucking idiot." God does work in mysterious ways...so does Santa Claus.

Speaking of God, he clearly loves Jesse Love Paymon more than Pistol's Hellcats.  But then again, his son was a Jew, so that makes sense.

This will be an interesting off-season for Pistol's Hellcats (not the actual GM as his life is now full of boring stories no one is interested in) as the team is at a cross-roads. The team is old...really old and has one good player and the Calder Trophy Winner. Holtby showed he's not a winner, and the rest of the team is just garbage. 

Look for some trades to take place and it is great to see almost all teams engaged in trading this season. You win some, you lose some, and you ChingChong BingBong some.