Power Rankings: Week 1

After an extended week, we only really know one thing; this league looks like it will be pretty wide open, and injuries are going to be a vital part of the league’s fate.  Lets take a look at the week 1 power rankings for the new season.  How accurate are these early season power rankings?  Well, last year, week 1 power rankings had the two teams that ended up in the final ranked as 12 and 13, so clearly, they are as exacting as explosive diarrhea. 

1.  Me So Vyborny – This team looks to be the complete package.  The matchup this week was only as close as it was because Ryan Miller and Martin Brodeur had a combined 11 starts and only 2 wins.  Even this team’s backup goalie, Tim Thomas, had a shutout.  Odds are, the wins will come and this team will be a deadly force.  I don’t really see a weakness in this team, oh wait, General Manager Matt Meier sucks at roster management; last week he had a guy in the AHL, this week he has someone he could put on IR taking up a roster spot, and left one starting spot open, which is nice.

2.  Jesse Loves Paymon – With the help of a near line brawl involving two of his players, this team put a good fight up against the #1 ranked team and edged them out.  Still, this team is lacking a bit in net, which may ultimately be its downfall.  Made the stupid mistake of giving up Ryan Getzlaf for Jonathan Toews, thinking leadership mattered on a fantasy team (it doesn’t) and that could put this team over the top (it won’t).  Look for GM Red McIntyre to attempt to make some moves in the near future to get better in net, like pick up Brent Johnson.  Oops, already did.

3.  Captain Chinese – Offense looks good, goaltenders look decent, but ultimately, General Manager Bert Fong will ultimately fuck this up somehow.  Surprisingly, got the upper hand on the first trade of the year, which I think shocked Bert more than anyone else.

4.  Malkin in the Middle – His three highest scorers in the past seven days are all on the same team, and two of them are defenders, but that isn’t necessarily a bad thing in this case, as the entire team contributed.  Jimmy Howard continues to justify his first round pick from last year, the big concern here is if Cam Ward can return to his playoff MVP form sooner rather than later.

5.  Super Sperm – The return of Pekka Rinne in net this week should shore up the spotty goaltending.  If all the role players continue to contribute, this team is going to chalk up a lot of wins.  The question is if GM Ryan Schauble will have time to manage his team with a pair of twins pooing all over the place.

6.  Sultan HC – A bit of a slow start for this team I think, but it will be tough for this team to move up any further with such a lack of diversification.  I would think this team might start making a move or two, but general manager Cole Ballard fears change, so that might not happen.

7.  Bizzarohawks – Solid all around offensively, with a lot of players who are multi-position eligible.  With Ilya Kovalchuk moving back to left wing, look for this offense to pick up.  Goaltending is a concern, with the lack of a clear, solid starter on this roster.  One wonders if General Manager Scott Freeland will make a move, or if getting a top goalie may cost  him too much offensively.

8.  Camel Toews – This team’s fortunes may depend on GM Jesse Cook’s ability to pick the right goalie combination week to week, as this roster has some of the most volatile goalies in the league.  Johan Franzen going down will be big hit, but the other general managers will be wondering who this team will drop once Vinny Prospal and Jordan Staal come off IR  By the way, is it just me is Prospal exactly what GM Jesse Cook will look like in 15 years once he gets his hair plugs, teeth bleached and spray tanned?  Everyone who knows Jesse is nodding yes right now.  Except Jesse.

9.  Pistol’s Hellcats – This team relied on a few to carry the many, and it wasn’t enough this week.  I would expect better production from the bulk of this team in the future.  Goaltenders have to be a concern; is Roberto Luongo going to be able to shoulder the load of Stanley Cup expectations?  Will Henrik Lundqvist turn around the slow start?  I would be on the latter occuring, but not to sure about the former; that guy cries under pressure, for pete’s sake.

10.  Ottawa HC – This team of young guns is also a team battling injuries, with 3 of its top players missing time in week 1.  The risks taken in the draft look like they are coming back to bite general manager Court Watson harder than Jesse Cook used to bite him in the forehead when they are little kids, with Marian Gaborik out 2-4 weeks.  The most pleasant surprise may be Kari Lehtonen, who might finally be playing up to his draft pick.  Only time will tell if this team is going to be relying on Sergei Bobby in net, in which case it is screwed.

11.  This Space 4 rent $5- This team is gonna ride Steven Stamkos like Paymon rides Jesse’s face…hard, messy and often.  Needs a little pickup from other players and a blow up by Michael Neuvirth to get Semyon Varlamov firmly back in the starter’s position in Washington to be a contender this year.

12.  Texans – Offense is going to have to step up measurably for this team succeed.  Also, I would be drop dead stunned if the same goalie combo that lead this team to the finals last year is able to do it again.  I mean, floored.  It is Elliot and Tomas Vokoun, for fuck sakes.

13.  Not Poodle!!! – I like very little about this team.

14.  Kanucks – I still like nothing about this team.

Reminder, initial league entry is due by November 1st.  Any team with entry outstanding will have their ability to add, drop and trade frozen.  Team names will be frozen tomorrow after 6 pm pacific time.  Changes to team names subsequent to that will cost $5, which will go towards the overall pot.