Sunday, January 6, 2013

And We’re Back

The NHLPA finally realized realized that business, unlike  government, is guided by simple math and basic economic theory, and verbally agreed to a tentative agreement.  Since the season may potentially start January 15, it can only be done one day.  And the most massive whiners are playing bush league hockey that night, so we adjusted the time to partially accommodate them, probably to screw over others, so blame Jesse, Bert and Pete.  The draft will be held Monday, January 15th, at 6:00 pm PST.  The draft order and designated keepers can be seen here.  You are responsible for verifying the accuracy of your keeper selections as well as the draft order.  Please let me know if you feel there is an inaccuracy.  I probably don’t care, but you never know.

In the event that a keeper decides the NHL is gay (like most of the U.S.A.), and decides to stay in another league, you will have the option of choosing another keeper from your final roster in the previous season.  Should that player come back to the NHL midseason, you will be allowed to retain that player on your roster, in exchange for the keeper you designated as his replacement.  For example, if Kris Letang decides to stay in the KHL after he signed with a team this past Friday, Crosby’s Concussions could decide to swap out Letang with Tim Connolly.  If a month from now, Letang decides he wants to come back to the NHL, Crosby’s Concussions would have right of first refusal, and if that team decides they want Letang, they would have to drop Tim Connolly to retain Letang.  If Connolly was no longer on Crosby’s Concussions when Letang returns, then the team would have to select a different keeper to drop to retain Letang.

League dues are posted here and should be paid ASAP.  All payments should be in USD, and I accept either check or Paypal (I don’t accept cheques).  Brief instructions for Paypal:

1) sign into your account

2) select “send money”

3) the email address is puckyourself at live dot com

4) amount should be denominated in USD dollars

5) Select “Personal” and “Payment owed”

6) Choose your method of payment and select “I will pay the fee.”  The league does not pay any transaction fees

7)  Send the money

Pretty simple.  Payment is due by January 31st, 2013.  The following penalties will be incurred for not paying in a timely manner

No payment prior to January 31st, 2013 – Manager is unable to edit weekly starting lineup

No Payment prior to February 15th, 2013 – Manager is unable to add or drop players

No Payment prior to February 28th, 2013 – Manager loses team ownership and team becomes property of first person on league waitlist (yes, we have a waitlist, and there are about six guys on it)

Welcome back.

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

And We Are Back. Probably Not.

In what is the first, and probably last blog post of this season, I wanted to let all of you know that the draft has been configured and the keepers have been inserted.  It is your responsibility to view your keepers and picks in the draft to ensure that any traded picks have been recorded correctly.  You can view the draft order here.

The draft will be Monday, October 1 at 7 pm.  I tried to cancel it until a season happens, but Yahoo! won’t let me, so you might as well show up to do it right.  Hell, it might be the only hockey fun we have for a while.  For the most accurate update on the lockout I have seen, this video covers just about everything.

Owners have parties in their box every game.

Bert Fong says support him in his adult hockey league, but would be like watching the CFL.  Painful.

If the lockout is super long, looks like we can reset everything and start over, so we may put that option into place. 

A couple people couldn’t make Tuesday night, and all the people with kids, who, like anyone with kids, thinks they know it all, couldn’t have more differing opinions on which time is better on Sunday (from “10 AM on a Sunday is the dumbest idea I have ever heard, trust me, you will realize this when you are a parent” to “There couldn’t be a better time than 10 AM on a Sunday”).  Once again proving the old adage that kids make you dumber.

How will the lockout impact Yahoo! Fantasy Hockey?  Why, you can read that here.

Some of you have awful keepers, so the lockout may be a blessing in disguise, or delaying a gruesome death, either or.  Either way, this lockout has me feeling like Cole Ballard does all the time, and I am not looking forward to spending the winter and spring with my only entertainment being two month old YouTube videos being sent to me by Jesse Cook because he finally left his Blackberry and got a phone that works.

Shoot me in the left nut and kick the right one at the same time.  I hate my life.

JM

Saturday, June 23, 2012

The Draft on the Draft

Hello all, I hope you have been well.  Today we announce the draft order for the upcoming season, a fitting day, as this is the big day of the NHL, also known as the more boring version of fantasy hockey league.

The draft order was obtained using the probabilities as stated in the League Charter.  Draft order was witnessed by two Commissioners, one Relief Commissioner and one league GM.  All were very drunk at the time.  Without further adieu, I present the 2012 Puck You 2012 Fantasy Hockey Draft first round draft order:

1 Texans
2 Not Poodle!!!
3 Super Sperm
4 Everett Silvertips (from Crosby's Concussions)
5 Me So Vyborny
6 Captain Chinese
7 Clarence Swampton
8 Pistol's Hellcats
9 Jesse Loves Paymon
10 Anzoolander
11 Flowers In the Cage (from Kanucks)
12 Crosby's Concussions (from Bizzarohawks)
13 Flowers In The Cage
14 Everett Silvertips

You can view final rosters and draft picks on the Trades and Transactions page, so don’t ask where you can find it 2 months from now, Schauble.  All trades must go through Commissioner review.  Complete draft order will be updated once fantasy hockey opens up again on Yahoo!  Remember, you can keep up to 6 players and 1 additional player who qualified as a rookie in the most recent season to replace your third round pick. If you choose to keep less, you will have additional picks in the final 6 rounds of the drafts were your keeper players would have been added.  Keepers are to be submitted one week prior to the fantasy hockey draft.

May your summer be full of booze, sunshine, and full frontal nudity.

JM