And We Are Back. Probably Not.

In what is the first, and probably last blog post of this season, I wanted to let all of you know that the draft has been configured and the keepers have been inserted.  It is your responsibility to view your keepers and picks in the draft to ensure that any traded picks have been recorded correctly.  You can view the draft order here.

The draft will be Monday, October 1 at 7 pm.  I tried to cancel it until a season happens, but Yahoo! won’t let me, so you might as well show up to do it right.  Hell, it might be the only hockey fun we have for a while.  For the most accurate update on the lockout I have seen, this video covers just about everything.

Owners have parties in their box every game.

Bert Fong says support him in his adult hockey league, but would be like watching the CFL.  Painful.

If the lockout is super long, looks like we can reset everything and start over, so we may put that option into place. 

A couple people couldn’t make Tuesday night, and all the people with kids, who, like anyone with kids, thinks they know it all, couldn’t have more differing opinions on which time is better on Sunday (from “10 AM on a Sunday is the dumbest idea I have ever heard, trust me, you will realize this when you are a parent” to “There couldn’t be a better time than 10 AM on a Sunday”).  Once again proving the old adage that kids make you dumber.

How will the lockout impact Yahoo! Fantasy Hockey?  Why, you can read that here.

Some of you have awful keepers, so the lockout may be a blessing in disguise, or delaying a gruesome death, either or.  Either way, this lockout has me feeling like Cole Ballard does all the time, and I am not looking forward to spending the winter and spring with my only entertainment being two month old YouTube videos being sent to me by Jesse Cook because he finally left his Blackberry and got a phone that works.

Shoot me in the left nut and kick the right one at the same time.  I hate my life.

JM

The Draft on the Draft

Hello all, I hope you have been well.  Today we announce the draft order for the upcoming season, a fitting day, as this is the big day of the NHL, also known as the more boring version of fantasy hockey league.

The draft order was obtained using the probabilities as stated in the League Charter.  Draft order was witnessed by two Commissioners, one Relief Commissioner and one league GM.  All were very drunk at the time.  Without further adieu, I present the 2012 Puck You 2012 Fantasy Hockey Draft first round draft order:

1	Texans
2	Not Poodle!!!
3	Super Sperm
4	Everett Silvertips (from Crosby's Concussions)
5	Me So Vyborny
6	Captain Chinese
7	Clarence Swampton
8	Pistol's Hellcats
9	Jesse Loves Paymon
10	Anzoolander
11	Flowers In the Cage (from Kanucks)
12	Crosby's Concussions (from Bizzarohawks)
13	Flowers In The Cage
14	Everett Silvertips

You can view final rosters and draft picks on the Trades and Transactions page, so don’t ask where you can find it 2 months from now, Schauble.  All trades must go through Commissioner review.  Complete draft order will be updated once fantasy hockey opens up again on Yahoo!  Remember, you can keep up to 6 players and 1 additional player who qualified as a rookie in the most recent season to replace your third round pick. If you choose to keep less, you will have additional picks in the final 6 rounds of the drafts were your keeper players would have been added.  Keepers are to be submitted one week prior to the fantasy hockey draft.

May your summer be full of booze, sunshine, and full frontal nudity.

JM

An Annual Tradition: A Letter from our Champion

It is my favorite post of the year, a post from the League Champion and Anze Cup winner.  We have had some great renditions in the past.  I now present this year’s Anze Cup champion, Court Watson of the Everett Silvertips:

First, I would like to commend Cole Ballard on a tremendous season and postseason run.  He should be proud of the way he actively managed his team to the Anze Cup finals.  Cole cares about winning the Anze Cup, and it is great to have a GM like him in our league.  I am glad he finally was able to see the Everett Silvertips win anything.

When I first found out I won the Anze Cup, I was thrilled, and I didn’t know how I should celebrate.  Do I get my excitement out by planking somewhere? 

Or maybe Landeskoging? 

I felt like neither of those were the right fit.  How do I celebrate such a monumental, yet often reoccurring event?

I took a break after for a bit and did some soul searching , as I knew I wasn’t going to do something as stupid as joining a Crossfit gym and paying $200/month to workout on $110 worth of gym equipment next to topless men:

The year was a crazy year, in the sense that I wasn’t first the entire year, just most of it.  I don’t really remember what anyone else did, nor do I really care.  I was supposed to win, and I won, and all is right in the world.

Does anyone remember when I offered Tyler Seguin and my first round pick to Flowers in the Cage for Logan Couture and a third rounder at the start of the season?  I do.  It was turned down, and somewhere Cole is banging his head on his desk, but even Logan wishes things had been different:

He knows a winner when he sees one.  And he saw me.

As we head into next year, some of you may be thinking, “Court, it was so great to see you win, but oh no! now that you won you might have a late draft pick and we won’t be able to bask in your what seems like half-dozenth championship.  What are we to do?”

Well one, it would be my fifth title, but who is counting?  And B, luckily, I traded Thomas Vanek to Crosby’s Concussions at the end of last year for his first round pick this coming year.  That means I have a 24%, or second best, chance of having the first overall pick.  I know.  You can breathe easy now.

And so with that, I hope all of you have a great summer, recounting my championship and the valor with which it was won.  A break over the summer from Jesse’s fantastic instruction and guidance on how to manage a fantasy team to be eliminated in the first round will be missed during the offseason, but I am looking forward to it once again this coming fall.

As I sign off, I realize exactly how this championship should be celebrated.  Not by imitating or copying another pose, but by creating my own pose.  I call it the Watson, and I leave you with this lasting image to motivate all of you, my fans, and give you something to look forward to next season.

I thank you all, and god bless.

Court

And with that, another year is in the books.  Looking forward to another great season next year.

JM