And Now, A Message From Our Champion

It is a growing tradition that the champion is given this blog as a forum to talk about what it feels like to win the greatest championship in all of fantasy sports.  Below, I present the ramblings of Peter Burns.

Gentleman,

I'd like to thank you all for the congratulatory emails, texts, and phone calls on the Antler Cup victory.

Growing up as a kid in Baton Rouge, I never once dreamed that I would be on Fantasy Hockey's biggest stage, and not only win a Axis Cup championship, but kick everyone's ass.

The tale of this season reminds me a lot of the fable, “The Tortoise and the Hare”.  I don't remember why, nor the story, but anytime you can use the word fable, plus two outdated animal’s names in making a point, you have to take that opportunity.

When I started this league, I knew the goaltending would be the key. Not in the 1st week, but shortly after, Court told me how dumb everyone was, and having met Jesse before, i knew it to be true and that I could find some lemming to trade with me.

The Anus Cup is all about skill and being prepared. Hard work was rewarded.  I suggest you all work a little harder next year, not only for the Ants Cup but just life in general.

So as a proud American I end with this; Suck it maple syrup making Canuks.

Peace and Blessings.

CHAMPION PETER BURNS

That’s All Folks

And just like that Amish Rake Fighters have won the 2009-10 Fantasy Hockey Season.  That is right, the 8 seed, managed by a clown whose love of hockey who is inversely proportional to his love of the sound of his own voice, has taken down the Texans with the final score being a….tie?

Not exactly.  The Yahoo! fantasy hockey tie breaker goes to the team with the better head to head record in the season.  So this match was actually really close, with a tie in week 6 and then Amish Rake Fighters winning in week 19.  Basically, it came down to a best of three series with Amish Rake Fighters winning the series 1-0-2.

GM Peter Burns had to say this about the league after learning of the championship win, “I made the playoffs?”  In all seriousness, he would like to thank Montreal Wanderers GM Court Watson for reminding him to change his roster every week, reminding him to place guys on and off DL and for his trade advice, which helped Amish Rake Fighters obtain 3 starters for one in a blockbuster trade from the Kanucks.  Also, the Montreal Wanderers dealt Amish Rake Fighters Scott Neidermayer; whose 6 points (4 PP) in week 19 and GWG in the championship week allowed the Amish Rake Fighters to take the title.  At the end of his speech, GM Peter Burns notified the league the team was being disbanded and would not compete in future years, due to lack of interest/knowledge/good looks.

Thanks to all who participated this season.  Tentative date for next year’s draftapalooza is the weekend of September 18-19.  Please let me know if this is a serious conflict for any of you.  Hopefully, next year, the team with the least hockey knowledge won’t win.

With the huge success of Jesse Loves Paymon GM Steve McIntyre’s fundraising drive, Champs GM Jesse Cook has jumped into the foray, selling firewood and t-shirts.  Looks like a winner.

Jesse's Wood

This Sucks

Well call me Paymon and put my dick in Jesse’s mouth.  Who would think that 1) the semifinals were the four teams with the least knowledge of hockey and 2) the final is between the two teams with the least knowledge of hockey?  Not I, says I.  Let’s look at the final matchup

Coming up – a general managers meeting with proposed changes to next year’s league and the Anze Cup.

Texans vs. Amish Rake Fighters – This is it, this is the final.  Both destroyed their opponents in the semifinals.  Texans have a bit more offense, Rake Fighters have better goaltending.  This could go either way, but I have to go with Amish Rake Fighters..the George Mason of this year’s tournament but with a legitimate chance at winning.  This match will come down to one off categories (shorties, GWG, shooting %).

Prediction:  Amish Rake Fighters wins the Anze Cup, then the franchise folds due to lack of GM participation.

Changes for Next Year

At a general manager’s meeting in December, the 6 in attendance (GMs Court Watson, Steve McIntyre, Jesse Cook and three bottles of Crown) discussed the health of the league and changes that could be made to ensure the long term health of the league.  Below are some of the key changes that MAY happen in the upcoming season.  Your feedback is welcome in the comments section below.  Note that by the end of the meeting, only 3.5 original attendees did not make it through the whole meeting (R.I.P., 2.5 bottles of Crown).

1)  The league will be contracted.  Like the NHL, the league grew too fast, and some of the US markets just didn’t have demand.  Goodbye, Spokane and San Antonio.

2)  Total points will be added back in statistics.  This will work as a tiebreaker for goals and assists, and also makes it alot easier to complain about scoring more points but still losing because nobody will have to do the math.

3)  Shooting % will be replaced with Shots.  GM Steve McIntyre asked GMs Jesse and Court to look up the top ten in the league in shots versus the top ten in the league in shooting percentage.  Enough said.

4)  The league will be a keeper league.  Next year, we will start with only 2 keepers, and the draft will be random.  In subsequent years, the number of keepers will increase to 3 and then ultimately to 5.  This slow increase makes more sense because after next year, draft order will be influenced by how you finished in the league the prior year.

5)  The draft will be a live gong show.  There will be golf and gambling.  We are currently looking into several opportunities to host the draft at a conference room with internet and speakerphone so that those who cannot make the live draft can still participate online.  Those who don’t even bother to attend the draft anyway can still submit their pre-draft rankings.  It has no impact to anyone except those who want to play golf, gamble and drink.

6)  League entry fees will stay at $20/year.  However, additional fees will be implemented, as it should streamline the league, and increase payouts without placing significant burden on smaller market teams. 

a) For every transaction, there will be a cost of $0.25.  Looking at the past two years, the most active teams will owe an additional $20 a year.

b)  Team names will be locked 1 week after the draft.  Changes will be $5.  This is because team name changes are annoying.

Finally, the winner of the league will be the holder of the Anze Cup until the next year’s winner is determined.  Below is the epic Cup, though due to supply of Frosty Mugs, it has not been ordered yet.

The Anze Cup