I have never watched or attended an awards show that I wasn’t either a lock to win or a heavy favorite to win one of the biggest awards. The last time that happened I was seven and the awards show was held at PJ’s All Star café. That our society as a whole wastes so much time watching Hollywood celebrities, who are the modern day version of the monkeys on the street with the cymbals in hand, is just depressing.
1. Bizzarohawks (1)
2. Flower’s In the Cage (4)
3. Kanucks (7)
4. Everett Silvertips (6)
5. Anzoolander (5)
6. Crosby’s Concussions (3)
7. Captain Chinese (12)
8. Texans (8)
9. Super Sperm (9)
10. Not Poodle!!! (2)
11. Pistol’s Hellcats (11)
12. Dr. Hook (10)
13. Me So Vyborny (14)
14. Jesse Loves Paymon (13)
Some thoughts:
1. Jesse Loves Paymon might be the worst fantasy hockey team I have ever seen.
2. They are building quite a stable of defensemen, making sure some are filing active roster spots while on IR, because, you know, that is what great teams usually do.
3. Since the draft of the 2009-10 season, when GM Steve McIntyre wished he could redraft (and then subsequently won that year’s Anze Cup), Jesse Loves Paymon has made a total of 21 moves and rapidly descended into shit. Meanwhile, the Everett Silvertips have made 95 and appear to be a dynasty in the making. This further shows that GM Steve McIntyre knows almost nothing about fantasy hockey beyond perfunctory actions and his Anze Cup title was a fluke.
4. Jesse Loves Paymon is entertaining all offers. I have a feeling, given how little this team has to offer, blow jibbers from the GM are on the table as well. On Mondays, GM Steve McIntyre gives them for free.
5. Today is Monday.
6. Speaking of few moves and an awful team, go fuck yourself Fatty.
7. It killed me to put Captain Chinese at 7. That means 7 of you are currently worse than a team run by a moron. Shape up.
8. I just know this year Captain Chinese will somehow win, and I will spend the offseason figuring out what the hell else could go wrong with this world.
9. After trying out one Nashville Predators former backup, GM Cole Ballard traded for another one in Anders Lindback. Keep throwing your line into the pond, eventually you will catch something better than a old gumboot.
10. Have you ever seen Cole Ballard do an imitation of WDarrell Hammond imitating Sean Connery? It is delightful.
11. As NHL teams start rounding into form, so do the better teams in this league. I imagine the playoff picture should be pretty set within the next couple of weeks.
12. GM Court Watson is going to miss the Anze Cup. That is, if he isn’t able to take it home for a second straight year.
13. The Anze Cup has been well used this year. So much in fact that it is rumored if you just fill it with water and let it sit over night, you will get drunk of that water the next day.
14. Putting the Anze Cup is the dishwasher is a offense worthy of execution, for future reference.
15. I am kinda excited to see GM Scott Freeland lead the Bizzarohawks to an Anze Cup; he puts in a good effort despite being all alone in hell Cleveland, with some critical spreadsheets rationalizing his moves, and I like to see that type of effort rewarded.
16. Plus, Scott has jam.
17. Cory Conacher and Vladimir Tarasenko have slowed rapidly and are on two fantasy teams that suck with GMs that think they know what they are doing. They don’t, and this is the perfect example why.
18. Dr. Hook: please read this and do something. Anything.
19. Sometimes it is fun to go back and look at old message boards and blog posts. This week, noticed that in 2010, Jesse Cook offered Dave Kitchen a 16th round in three years for Craig Anderson. Man, how far Mr. Anderson has come.
20. Then I look at the trades between Jesse and Bert Fong last year, and realize some of us have gotten dumber.
21. The guy beside me on the plane just ordered a double vodka coke as his complimentary beverage. Vodka is made from potatoes. Potatoes are vegetables. Vegetables are good for you. You’re welcome.
22. No seriously, it is 6:30 AM. Hats off to this guy.
23. Travel points are never worth the travel required to earn them.
24. Unless they are convertible to lap dances at the Spearmint Rhino.
25. Someone actually picked up the Khabibulin Wall. I thought this league was better.
26. I always weep a little inside when the real Wall, Brian Elliot, isn’t playing up to snuff.
27. If you are asking how he got the nickname, he had 3 shutouts in one week for the Texans when playing Anzoolander a few years back. Anzoolander GM Jesse Cook lost his shit and dropped his entire team for Blackhawks plugs, and proclaimed Brian Elliot as the greatest goaltender that ever lived.
28. The Islanders are probably the best team in the East. Brad Boyes is this year’s P.A. Parenteau; marginally above average, racking up points beside Jon Tavares, the best player in the league presently.
29. Imagine if your oldest keeper was 22 and the best player in the league? You would be sitting pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty good.
30. Finally, let the Jonathan Drouin sweepstakes begin!
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