Power Rankings: Week 13

First, I hope everyone enjoyed their Christmas. Yes, I said Christmas, because as long as Muslims continue to try to blow up airplanes, I have no inclination to be politically correct. Second, we are just past the half way mark and every team has played each other at least once; the playoff push is beginning for the teams at the bottom, and the trade deadline is fast approaching. Third, somebody tell the fat kid to put his shirt back on. With that said, lets take a look at this week’s power rankings. I know, it has been a while.

1. We’re Still Here (previous: 3) – Keeps winning week in and week out. I am not convinced this team is a playoff ready team, as so much relies on his goalies. But given the fact GM Cole Ballard is now at home all day everyday enjoying the sweet life and studying stat sheets, it is inevitable that he has the edge on all of us. I am hoping ranking him #1 will be a bad omen for his team.

2. Grand Rapid T-Hawks (previous: 1) – Won handily this week with his star center on injured reserve yet still on the active roster. Passive management is all that really hurts this team. Oddly, without much effort, went from having a horrible goalie tandem to having one of the best, just by picking up Carey Price, who was on waivers. What idiot dropped Price?

3. Bizzarohawks (5)

4. People Know Me (2) – The hot start by an overachieving team has started to cool, with only 2 wins in the last 5 starts. The confusing recent transactions on the league home page show that GM Jesse Cook is concerned about it…or retarded.

5. Amish Rake Fighters (7) – What did we learn about this team last week? That Fatty’s team sucks. Bad.

6. Dave’Killer’Carlson (9) – This team is like the Borg from Star Trek. Just hovering in the solar system, not doing much, and nobody is sure if they are gonna kill us all or go away.

7. Montreal Wanderers (11) – Has quietly won 5 of the last 6 weeks, including wins against the top three teams in the Prince of Wales Conference. This team needs to stay healthy and cannot afford a large loss if it has any chance at the playoffs though.

8. Malkin In the Middle (8) – Picking up Jimmy Howard made this team instantly better. Who is the idiot that dropped him? GM Dave Dugan pwned Kanucks GM Dave Kitchen in two trades, giving up a goalie he would never, ever start for a startable center, and then added an upgrade at D and two very good wingers, losing a #3 d-man on the 2nd power play unit for an offensively impotent team and a guy who got the shit kicked out of him last week. Fuck, was that funny. If lost faceoffs was a stat to have, Toews would be the player to keep. That, and ugly playoff beards.

Update: I was incorrect, Malkin traded a worthless goalie to People Know Me, not to the Kanucks.

9. Kanucks (10) – Nice trades….LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL.

Update: Nice trade....LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL.

10. Suck It Trebek (4) – This team has lost 5 straight weeks…officially entering planet suckdom.

11. $0.20 Kane (12) – The win-loss record for this team is a goddamn roller coaster. I can’t figure them out. GM Steve McIntyre says they suck, but has done nothing to improve them since stealing Luongo from the retarded chinaman, so suck is what they shall be.

12. Texans (6) – Another team reeling in losses, dropping 6 of the last 7 weeks, and having only 2 wins in past 9. Do something about it.

13. Swedish Old Balls (13) – How did that trade work out for you?

14. Andre Poodle Lussier (14) – Ground control to Major Fatty, I repeat, ground control to major fatty, you think your spaceship knows which way to go, but you are, regrettably, dead fucking wrong.