A New Old Champion

It came down to the last day, but we finally saw the curse of the dead presidents broken, as President’s Trophy winner Everett Silvertips hoisted the Anze Cup.  I don’t know about you, but the new Anze Cup with all 14 teams on it looks real nice, Clark. 

 

In the end, the depth of the Everett Silvertips carried them to the Cup, despite a remarkable run by Flowers in the Cage.  The parity of this league is remarkable, and I look forward to the Champion’s Message from SIlvertips GM Court Watson in the near future.  Actually, not really, because he is the most boring person I know.

Let’s hand out some awards.

Jack Adams Award

The year for accolades continues for Court, as he takes home the Jack Adams Award for GM of the year, tallying 69% of the votes from his peers.  Said Court upon acceptance of the award, “while the goal is always to win the Cup, this is a nice accolade to receive from my peers.”

Eugene Adams Award

Taking 54% of the vote, this award goes to GM Pete Shpak of Pistol’s Hellcats, primarily for the trade rape that occurred and how he argued the player that he acquired that was just as good as the player he dealt single-handedly knocked him out of the first round.  The former Jack Adams award winner had this to say about the award; “You have made me second guess myself more than any other time in my life.  I hate you all.  Except you Jesse.  I love you in an uncomfortable way.”

Andy Kordyban Award

We have a first two time award winner!  That is right, Jesse Cook of Anzoolander is the first ever in our league to be the Duke of Fantasy Hockey at least two years, and it is two years in a row no less!  The race was close, but Jesse took home 46% of the vote.  A defiant Jesse commented, “I have no idea how the Everett Silvertips won the Anze Cup.”  It is pretty clear, based on the votes, that your peers know EXACTLY why you have no clue!

Offseason Notes

Remaining balances can be viewed on the Trades and Transactions tab above.  All balances will be rolled forward and will be settled upon payment of the next season’s entry fees.

Rosters will be posted to that same workbook for offseason trades.  Keep in mind all trades still require commissioner review and approval.

Keepers will be selected and remaining rosters will be released into free agency approximately two weeks before next season’s draft.  Stay tuned for actual dates for the draft, which are yet to be determined, but plan for some time in December.

The draft order will be decided the weekend of April 21-22 at the sorta annual some of the GMs and Commissioners Meeting.  There will be heavy drinking and some furious wheeling and dealing, but enough witnesses to certify the draft.

Thank you all for your participation.  Except you Fatty, three transactions is pathetic.  Go fuck yourself.

The Polls are Open

That is right, it is time to vote for the prestigious awards bestowed by our league.  And unlike Barrack Obama, we won’t have Black Panther members sitting outside voting booths ready to beat the shit out of you if you vote the wrong way. 

Lets get to the nominees

Jack Adams Award

This award is given to the GM adjudged to have contributed the most to his team's success. 

Cole Ballard is nominated only because he finds himself the owner of a team on an incredible run.  Cole Ballard attempts to make his case, and I am not sure if I get there: “I drafted Backstrom over Stamkos, kept Grabner instead of Backstrom (the goalie), drafted Brodeur over Quick, and traded away Semin for a bag of rocks.”  Voters will have to decide, should this award be for short term success or building a long term solid core?  This team arguably doesn’t have six keepers and may be looking to the draft for a lot, I mean A LOT, of help next year.  Luckily, GM Cole Ballard has got two first round picks in his back pocket.

Dave Kitchen has turned a bottom feeding team into a solid contender, but a team that didn’t have all the pieces to win it all.  Still, it was an impressive turnaround, though without a draft pick until the fourth round next year, I am having a tough time seeing this team back in the playoffs next year.

Court Watson led his team to a President’s Trophy and an Anze Cup finals appearance, his first since 2008.  The Everett Silvertips are the only team of all fourteen teams to never miss the playoffs, and in the process of building the team with the best record for the year, Court also has two draft picks in the first round and two draft picks in the second round of next season’s draft; the most of any team in the league.  One would think this would give this team every opportunity to be in the playoffs again next year, but Court is known to be horrible at drafting a team so that is really a crapshoot.

Eugene Adams Award

This award is given to the GM who had the least to do with his team's success, or made the biggest impact in preventing them from being successful. Named after Jack's retarded step brother who couldn't say no to a cool glass of antifreeze.

The first is Ryan Schauble, who took his team from first in the regular season standings to easily the worst team this league has ever seen.  Will one first round pick fix it?  I doubt it.  But, he held on to his keepers all season, so they should be back and finishing 14th again next year.   Well timed, aggressive moves this year.  Just awful

Pete Shpak or Pistol’s Hellcats traded away his best player for an average goalie behind a good, but aging hockey team.  He then lost four of five goalie categories on his way to a first round exit.  Pretty open and shut case.

Matt Meier had a team firing on all cylinders sitting atop of the standings.  His actions subsequent to that remind me of the worst coach in the NFL, Seattle Seahawks coach Pete Carroll, in that he did exactly what Pete Carroll does in at the half way point and ensures an easy, embarassing lose; he made zero adjustments.  Meanwhile, the rest of the league adapted and evolved and as result, Me So Vyborny went from first to missing the playoffs.  Just terrible.

Andy Kordyban Award (a.k.a "The Duke of Fantasy Hockey trophy")

This prestigious award can be given out for several reasons, because like its namesake, this trophy covers so many areas.  Should it go to Jesse Cook or Bert Fong for their clusterfuck of trades that resulted in no real improvement in teams or draft picks?  Or maybe to Ryan Schauble for the most amazing job of destroying a fantasy team ever?  What about Crosby’s Concussions for the hilarious amount of injuries to a team that was actually pretty good, and the fact he trade raped the shit out of Pete Shpak?  My personal choice maybe Scott Freeland, who traveled to Phoenix during the semifinals to cheer on Mike Smith and Keith Yandle.  Why is that Duke like?  Because of on key reason; he went by himself, a classic Duke move.  The people shall decide.

Happy voting all.

On the Cusp of Immortality

This is it, what every team has worked towards, and only two teams get a shot at; the chance to hold the Anze Cup high above their heads, and celebrate a crowning achievement.  For most, winning the Anze Cup is considered the greatest day of their lives.

Before we look at the final match, lets do a quick recap of the the Anze Cup semifinal matches.

1. Everett Silvertips over 6. Bizzarohawks

It was a great run for the Bizzarohawks, but in the end, the team went cold at the worst time.  GM Scott Freeland even went to Phoenix, by himself, to cheer on his goaltender, insert generic name here, but it wouldn’t be enough.  Still, it was a great run of this upstart and has to be a positive note for a team that historically struggles in this league.

5.  Flowers in the Cage over 2.  Kanucks

Wow, what an upset.  I mean seriously, wow.  Despite the bad goaltending that was predicted, Flowers in the Cage had a mammoth week offensively, and it was enough to hold off another great performance by the Kanucks.  It looked like it was going to be Kanucks year, and GM Dave Kitchen would be able to hold his head high without name dropping Ryan Blair (who the fuck cares?) or perfecting the humblebrag.  When you say “not bragging, just saying” bragging is exactly what you are doing.  It is kinda like me saying I don’t mean to be an asshole, but I reported your Facebook account as spam.  I actually mean to be an asshole, but it doesn’t make it any less true.

Here we are, but before we get to the final, a vignette of past Anze Cup winners and what it means to them:

What the Anze Cup means…

1.  Everett Silvertips vs. 5. Flowers In The Cage (Season series 17-12 for Everett Silvertips)

This is a Anze Cup of firsts.  It is the first time two of the original three teams have competed in the finals.   It is also the first time GM Cole Ballard has taken a team to the finals as his teams have always fallen short have finished third a record three times.  You have a team in Everett Silvertips that is struggling offensively and a team in Flowers in the Cage with awful goaltending.   I expect this matchup to be close.  Flowers in the Cage has more games to be played, but relies on fewer NHL teams to do so; a slow week for either team could hurt them.  On the other hand, Everett Silvertips decided to start 3 players from one of the lowest goal scoring teams in the league.  In deciding who wins, really the only thing to fall back on is the empirical data.  Both team’s offensive units have to turn around at some point, which would give the upper hand to the Silvertips.  Hell, it is the Anze Cup playoffs, and either team could win easily or scratch and claw one out.  That is why I love this game.

Prediction:  Everett Silvertips becomes the first President’s Trophy winner to hoist the Anze Cup since 2005, winning 7-5-4.

Good luck to both teams.  Glory awaits.