We are almost half way through the season and there is beginning to be clear separation between the haves and have nots. If I was an Occupy Wallstreet douchebag, I would demand that the top two teams give me their players for nothing, demanding someone else pay my league dues and someone else pay my transaction fees, and then accuse everyone else of being greedy, because I am entitled, hypocritical douchebag. But I am not, so I say good on them.
1. Anzoolander (Previous: 2) – We have a new number one in the League. Ryan Miller is returning and just in time, as the Wall is starting to show cracks and Harding’s time is becoming more limited.
2. Me So Vyborny (1) – Goalies are a concern for this team, as the Bruins look like they are giving Thomas a rest, and Crawford sucks. Good thing this team has Vezina candidate Al Montoya waiting in the wings.
3. Pistol’s Hellcats (6) – This team is firing on all cylinders and shouldn’t miss GM Pete Shpak when he leaves to fulfill his holiday obligations.
You mean you didn’t know Pete was a elf? Wasn’t it obvious?
4. Captain Chinese (7) – Love the trade GM Bert Fong pulled off securing arguably the best sophmore player in the league in Jordan Eberle. This team will eventually self destruct, but I am in the holiday spirit, so I rank them here.
5. Kanucks (4) – Dave, hope you are feeling better after being sick, and that you learned a valuable lesson:
6. Everett Silvertips (5) – GM Court Watson, after watching both Taylor Hall and Mike Richards go on injured reserve this week:
7. Bizzarohawks (3) – GM Scott Freeland, upon seeing the how badly his team got beat by a team that lost two of its best players:
8. Texans (10) – 24 points with Zac Parise on the bench. WTF was Zac Parise doing on the bench, ever?
9. Not Poodle (12) – This is exactly the right role for Fatty, given how much value he adds to anything his fantasy hockey team:
10. Crosby’s Concussions (11) – We learned that Crosby can’t make a bad fantasy team good, or even average, or even slightly better than poor. Trade a goalie or something.
11. Jesse Loves Paymon (9) – Heading into this week, JLP was ranked dead last in four statistical categories, which is more than any other team, so it is the best at the worst, which is nice. The key to salvation? Tyler Ennis and Steve Mason. Yeah, I started chuckling too.
12. Flowers In The Cage (13) – I just looked at the stats and this team’s lineup. I think Brodeur might not be the best goalie in the league anymore; call me crazy, but I am gonna go with my instincts on this one. If I wasn’t so lazy, I would re-rank this team as last, but I am.
13. Super Sperm (8) – The team got pounded this week, and then tossed aside like a rag doll (click on the picture to make it move):
14. Clarence Swampton (14) – How bad has it gotten? Yes, this bad:
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