The Draft

And the number one pick is…Loui Eriksson!

In the spirit of the season, with kids and teachers headed back to school, lets look at how the teams did in the draft and grade them accordingly. By the way, is there anything more annoying than facebook status updates from teachers complaining about having to go back to work after the summer off? The people with merit-based real jobs don’t want to hear that shit.

1. Texans (Previous: 4) – Really like where this team is headed. Lots of depth with plenty of players that are eligible at multiple positions, and a good chunk of talent. If this team stays healthy, it could be a title run. I can’t wait for GM Chris Thomas to rub the Anze Cup in brother-in-law and Anzoolander GM Jesse Cook’s face. Draft Grade: A

2. Jesse Loves Paymon (3) – A smart draft, not an exciting one and got some gems, some of them way later than I expected, especially Seabrook. Took a flyer on Jonas Hiller that I think will pay off. Wouldn’t be surprised if this team returned to the Anze Cup Finals. Draft Grade: B+

3. Anzoolander (5) – Very solid draft from Mr. Cook, a first for him. RW is a potential liability but with five players who could have great years you have to figure two of them will pan out. Draft Grade: A

4. Flowers in the Cage (6) – Very well rounded team talent wise, but a bit of concern as far as too many players on only a few teams. Also, not one goalie comes from a team that made the playoffs last year, with two of them absolutely awful. Hopefully those teams make a turnaround this year. Draft: B

5. Pistol’s Hellcats (2) – Not having a pick in the first 12 rounds really hurt this team. I think I see four players I would consider starting in this league (Sedin, Sedin, Lundqvist, and Iginla), and 7 guys who have been around so long I can see them retiring as a result of being fragile, old or sucking (Smyth, Cole, Williams, Corvo, Stoll, Timmonen and Roloson). Lets see what magic Jack Adams recipient Pete Shpak can do this year..should be fun to watch. Anyone see anyone on his team you want in a trade other than his keepers? Grade: C-

6. Super Sperm (1) – what the fuck was that train wreck of a draft strategy? Grade: F

7. Everett Silvertips (9) – Another young team with a starting lineup projected to be all ranked in the top 100, so look for this entire team to be ranked around 400 one month into the season. Better goalies than this team has had in years though (which isn’t saying much) and some new players, this team is a crapshoot. Grade: B-

8. Clarence Swampton (7) – Solid goalies, solid players, could be better though, could be worse. A lot of wait and sees (especially Nabakov). Grade: B-

9. Bizzarohawks (11) – The first pick will be remembered for sometime. As Anzoolander GM Jesse Cook put it “I still cannot get over Loui Ericksson….maybe Baio want’s to bone him just like Steve always enjoys a good boning from Paymon.” Other than that, I think there were a lot of good picks, and I hope this team can turn it around after nothing but depression since the league was founded. Grade: B-

10. Crosby’s Concussions (8) – Some potential talent, but very heavy on a few teams, which could be problematic. Crosby is obviously a huge question mark. The sooner he gets back, the better. Grade: C

11. Me So Vyborny (12) – I like a lot of this team, but I think health will be a concern. Expect Frolik to have a big year if lined up with Bolland; would almost think this it the team with the GM who loves the Blackhawks looking at the roster. Grade: C+

12. Captain Chinese (10) – You suck Bert Grade: C-

13. Kanucks (14) – If the Dave Kitchen wasn’t so bad at fantasy hockey, I would rank this team a lot higher. I expect this team to be a pretty good contender this season. Grade: B

14. Not Poodle!!! (13) – I feel like half the guys GM Matt Welsh drafted are staples on his fantasy teams, and since historically they have sucked, I am gonna continue to believe nothing will change. Grade: C